So I saw K this morning..and well Have a confession to make..things have been a little tricky on the food front lately:( so sad to admitt but honesty is the first key to Recovery right? So our plan...Basics Breakfast, lunch, mini meal, dinner..what tis a mini meal you ask well its more then a snack and less then a meal so there you have it a mini meal. hpth not so sure how I feel about the idea about a mini meal before dinner, but I shall do what i am told til my Ed brain releases the reigns a bit.
So we talked about my 2 episodes of purging in the last week and how last night another bit of one of my poor broken teeth fell off...soo soo sad:(
We talked about being on track with the other NON ED things in my life, such as the BEACH going!!! the house cleaning, the disciplying of my children, all things that are going well in my life..yeah for things that are going well!Right?
So anyway back to the basic thing...I didnt realize how far from the abndwagon I got til she asked me "the QUESTIONS" Like what did you have for breakfast? answer...ummm I was a bit taken aback like I did nt expect the question or anything...ummm nothing I said..it was then 10:07...well you missed teh breakfast window..now what?? well I said i can have it when I get home...Im think good reply...she thinks...it will throw off the rest of your day. I think quick on my feet...well Ill eat at 11, then 2:30 then 5:30 then 8:30, she kinda gives a half smile but says she will go with it today..and only TODAY tomorrow back to the basic scheduale of B..then L...then MM ...then D..so I agree..whew...that was a close one!
So she gave me back my basic MP, not the desprtly skimpy o ne from 3 yrs ago but the one from when I left my last IP stay...not the one I just had but the one before that...are you following me so far:)
SO whats on the menu...ohhh lots of good stuff like fruit and veggies and protiens and fats and ohhh yes the dreaded STARCH!!!@ which must be incorperated DURNING the day instead of in these subjective binges I am having at night..yes I told her..go me...she says and I trust her, that if i will just incorperate these HEALTHY starches into my diet, then the mini binges will not occur and I can stop obsessing about how fat they are making me cause really guys I hate to admitt it but they are driving me BANANAS!!!
Okay so goal for today: FOLLOW Ks MP exactly..I am already on the right path because I ate at 11...okay 2:30 here I come...remember HEALTHY STARCHES are good for the body!!
Okay wish me luck!!
Love, Z
5 comments:
I hope you're able to follow your meal plan. I know you can do this! Starches can be scary, but can you think of some healthy ones that you really like? Brown rice? Wheat bread?
I've had the back-to-basics appointment several zillion times :)
I've followed by meal-plan-from-a-couple-meal-plans-ago too
oh yes. I completely get it. This happens to me regularly. 'member in my last post how I mentioned "clenching the meal plan for dear life" for over two years up until about a month ago. Yup, that's what I mean. A constant death grip on the meal plan - just trying to get from meal to meal.
You've got the right attide though. At 2:30, no changing plans. You eat that meal plan whether or not you feel like you should, no matter how hungry you feel. You have to just "autopilot" your way through. Take your brain out of the picture; take our emotions out of the picture (ha - right... just take your emotions out of the picture. it's easy! not!).
Hour by hour. No matter how much you don't want to. If you don't want to start journaling. Why don't you want to? What is the benefit in not eating? You'll probably conclude that the best bet is to eat the meal plan even though it's not enjoyable. Been there, been there, oh boy have I been there...
As for the starch. I was the SAME WAY. I never ever ever ever ever ate any starch and then sometimes ended up bingeing on it at night. I have pretty much stopped bingeing and I swear it's due to eating starch at 90% of my meals. Bingeing can be caused by getting too hungry, actually being deprived, feeling deprived, and other things. But all of that is heightened when you don't eat starch during the day. You are deprived, and you feel deprived (b/c you're purposely avoiding it), and you're hungry. Why risk it? EAT THE STARCH!
STARCH GROWS FROM THE GROUND. LIKE A PLANT :) Helpful? lol
Check back in here if you want to say you ate after 2:30.
Today will be hard but it will really be crucial. Let it be a turning point.
IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR PROGRESS!!
YOU'VE GOT THIS!
I do GOT this..I ate at 2:30..it wasnt fun nor was it pretty but I did it and it included a heathy starch (1 oz of pretzels)...so what have learned so far in this experiement///albiet its teh very beginning but one thing I can tell you I learned is never start your day late it it will come to bite you in thhe ass;) said half joking and well half NOT!!!!
Love, Z
hooray for getting back on track! And facing those dreded starches! That is what I am most afraid of, and most likely to binge on, also. I'm glad that K gave you some steps you could take and didn't condemn you or make you feel bad. Everyone has slips. You are heading in the right direction ;)
and thanks for your comment about the pancakes. Even though I'm sorry we bolth biffed it, it helped me feel like I wasn't such a loser :)
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