well today is my second purge free day, following my MP 100%. I havent had a "streak" of purge free days in I cant remeber how long. M is being reall great and supportive. We went to see S this morning TOGETHER...and we are doing this..we are taking some of the maudsley approach and mixing in some of our own stuff. Like I am to be made more respobsible for making my own decisions. When I dont want to eat we are to talk it out but in essence i have 2 choices eat or hospital, I am choosing to eat. We are to look to our faith for guidence...we are to go see our pastor well our old pastor for guidence, I think that will really help.
We talked allot about what will be expected from me and what will be expected from M. How he is to start off making the meals but as time goes on I am to start to help and then slowly take over the job. He is to basiclly sit back and watch as I go about my routine as to help me adjust to doing this REcovery in my home enviroment. Once M goes back to work I am to have my morning snack with S and my breakfast with him befoere he leaves for work, Lunch will be with the kiddies and and dinner will either be with M or my mom... but for know I am not to be alone we are like glued at the hip...its actually kind of nice to feel this close to someone, I havent felt this way in a long time.
I see K 2xs this week yesterday ...and tomorrow. SHe made me up a new 1500 cal MP and said to start with that and in a week or 2 we will start to bump it up...I am already freaking about the bump up but I wont think about it now, I have NO need to get ahead of myslef. I am not going to tell you this is going to be all roses but I have a really positive feeling about this.
I am willing to be a willing not willful participant in my REcovery. I see my Pdoc tomorrow and will update her on the situation...of all the weeks events and how poorly I handeled myslef and how I feel now...optomistic... I wonder if some of my bad judgements were because I was slightly manic, I was making rash, impulsive decisions and not thinking clearly, of course it could have all been due to malnutrition as well so we shall see what she has to say.
S was great about evrything and I think she was really suprized about my sudden change of heart. I went from miss doom and gloom to miss...well miss I can!!!I appreciate ALL the support and suggestions everyone has given me, I think this time I am really going to make it...I know I have said this before but I have some faith back and that is a real kicker for me.
Much love to you all,