Alyssa's Sicky

ugh I have been up all night with a puking kid...with her little head hung over a toilet..man alive it sucked, she had a really high fever and wouldnt take her tylanol...blaahhhh, thank god she is feeling a little better today at least no puke is flowing from her body. I know.... so grossy. anyway hopefully the rest of the clan wont catch it cause Z man has a play date tomorrow and that would suck major balls if he gets sick and misses it. and of course there is the little man to worry about cause he really is so small, (check out my new pic),he s a major peanut.

I know you are all saying well hopefully you wont get it too cause the last thing I need is to be puking not of my own volition. Geez that would suck balls. my potassium would really be in the toilet then. Got my labs done again yesterday so now I am just awaiting the results, hope tehy come in soon as I feel like major crapola. My tummy hurts and so does my chest. Chest pain sucks the nuts. I think I need another EKG and I dont actually see the good doc for 2 more weeks, hope I dont die before then..lol.. although I really know its not funny but I am in complete DENIAL!!! and we are not talking about the river here...that would be the NILE.

so M was a complete dink last night. He got drunk...of course. and of course he FREAKED the FUCK out! He thought I threw away his pills, I didnt of course, and he freaked... saying I wasa whore bitch liar. that was fun...of course cause I lie so much about my ED he says I am a complete liar about everything but the truth is I really just lie to protect my ED, cause you know its my only "real" friend. Ugh. I am one fucked up individual.

And then there is ofcourse the bipolar playing a role in my nuttiness. I am all over the place...one day I am up and feel like super woman and the next I am so down I cant get of the couch...WTF. I keep having thoughts of death, partly cause I think this Ed is going to kill me and partly cause life sucks so bad I just want out you know. Its like everything is soooooo hard, I cant stand my body I cantstand what I do to my body, and I cant stand how I make myself feel, I mean really I torture myself...even this morning after taking 15 pills yesterday i took a bunch more this morning, you think I would learn, but alas I am a dumbass. I need to take potassium and zinc supplements and have yet to do it...what the fuck is wrong with me??

Just take the pills ( Tara) thats me...thought you might all like to know my REAL name...wowser I am really raving mad today. I cant believe I just told you all my real name...getting manic here so i thinks I might need to go!!

love, Z or Tara or crazy nut girl!!