Sunday, March 15, 2009

A new day

that's what today is going to be.

I will not engage in self destructive behaviors...I am quietly sipping on my coffee and thinking its beautiful outside I should get out there and run then I remember am not allowed to, and I get pissed and i think wow... ED has robbed me of everything, my life joys, my health, my ability to be rational...its all been stolen or should I say given away to the Ed!

well today folks is going to be different, I swear, no pills no purging, 2 boosts, a vitamin water full of potassium, yep no heart attack for me, I am going to kick some Ed butt today.

Yesterday was A's birthday party at jeepers and my oh my is she a popular little girl, but I just want to tell you about this little boy....his name is B and hes the cutest little thing with big ole ears and he is in LOVE with my baby...its sooooo cute. they play and chase each other all over the place it was adorable, she had a great time and made out like a bandit...tons of Hanna Montana stuff we started to redo her bedroom last night, even as I type she wants me to open more hanna montana stuff. I swear she got so much stuff, we are going to have to get rid some of her old stuff. Maybe we will donate it or most likely throw it away.

I wrote my letter of commitment to S last night and spoke to K last night, she asked me to send it to her too so I did. I really hope it gets me going on the straight and narrow cause these holes I keep falling into are getting deeper and more hard to dig out of.You know I need a ladder anyone got one...

Love, Z


PTC said...

I'm running out the door, but I like this post. Off to teach. Have a good day!

Zena said...

I am a fool...I am only kidding myself I can not do just to hard. FUCK!!@!~! !@!

said with great dissapointment


Just Eat It! said...

I know it's difficult, but you can do it. I know you can. It's one day at a time.

belinda said...

you know this is shit & so hard but you can do it. god, i don't feel like i can today either :(

sending you positive strong vibes.


Feisty Frida said...

Ya, it's hard, so fucking hard, but you can do it!!! Too much to live for, way too much!!!
Hang in there!!!

firefly said...

I'm you have to fight! Don't give up hon. You deserve a life free of ed. Excuses aren't going to help if you are dead. Belinda and I are doing it. You can too! I'm cheering you on but not if you want to kill yourself and not get rid of ed.

Jena said...

Hope you're doing well with you're goals from this post! You will do it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Baby steps, remember? Give yourself grace.
Thinking of you lots, Zena.
Hang in there sweetie.
Love, Jena