They are talking about medically admitting me on monday or tuesday. I cant, cant stable my potassium...S thinks I am being conpletly irrational, that I am not thinking straight...that I need 5-6 days of good solid nutrition. blahhhhh...it all sucks, she called me selfish today and that hurt like hell. She also said I am conpletely blocked, that I am doing everything in my power to keep my ED...well I am scared shitless to let go of my ED...scared shitless I tell you.
1)I am having a sleepover tonight with A and 2 other little girls...one of the moms is staying for a couple of hours, shes a friend of mine and we are going to talk about my depression and my ED...that should fun, no really it should be enlighting.
2)The kids are playing outside in the sunshine and I would be out there too if the baby werent inside sleeping inside..maybe I will sit on the front porch on paint.
3)I am starting to get back into painting which is good, its a distraction, which is good.
4)K called S and told her I was going to die...and S agrees...le sigh..
5)Im sad cause I dont want to leave my kids again, its going to break thier poor little hearts but it would break thier hearts even more if I were dead, I just have to keep reminding myself of that...
6)My mom is really sick and I feel bad for her cause I am putting more stress on her with all my crap.
7)M is telling me right now I need to start useing my voice with everyone...to stop hurting myself and to tell people off.
8)I feel to large to be medically admitted but I guess when you are bulimic it doesnt matter...if I dont seek help I will die...and that will suck...
okay enough of a whine