Friday, May 28, 2010

The Story of what should have been...

There was a girl.

The Girl meets a boy and they fall in love.

The boy and girl get married.

They have three beautiful children with the hopes of more to come.

The boy worked very hard to make a life.

The girl worked very hard at creating a home.

The girl did not have an Eating Disorder.

The Boy was not an alcoholic.

They watched their children grow into people.

They watched their children get married and have babies.

They grew to a ripe old age together.

Then their time came and they were ready because their life had been all that they had planned.

But that was not the way the story went....somewhere things went terriablly wrong, and now the girl is left alone.

His story was over way to soon.

The girl has to make a new story.

The girl now has to create a life.

Life is not a story or some fairytale.

Life is hard, and scary and uncertain.

Now this girl must create a new story.

Except this time it can not be a story.

It must be her life.

I am that girl, and now I must create a life not some fairytale.

This is my journey.

My journey of creating my life.

Things can not be perfect,things will never be the same, but there is still a life to live.

So this is the beginning of me creating a life, there is no longer the story I told myself...this is it...this is real...this is the beginning.

The End.


belinda said...

i <3 you!
i love that you have such insight. and while i am so sorry for the loss of ((Mike)), i am so glad to read you say.. "this is the beginning".

Your new beginning starts with many foundations already formed, some you like, some you don't. Hold on to what you love and your strength and knowledge (i know you ARE a smart cookie!).


zubeldia said...

you can do it, Tara. You're a strong woman, you really are.

firefly said...

What is that quote life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. You do have the opportunity to have a life still. We don't know the plans but God does. You can do this!

Zena said...

My dearest friends,

Mike and I just had a "talk" I told him (amongst many other things) that we will be okay, that I love him, he will always be with us, and that I know he suffered so much and I am glad he is no longer hurting... I read a health blog on " P.A.W.S" and the effect of the withdrawel of a chonic alcoholic, it really helped me understand what might have happened to his brain in those last days...I miss him , I loved him but Im going to be okay, I hav emy own personal angel and I know he ( and god) will make all things okay...thankyou my SF friends, its amazing the connections that are made through a website designed to help us recover, we are/done it...and we will live fully, it will take time, but thats what we got LOTS OF TIME.

all my love, Tara

Amber Rochelle said...

My standard answer to people who ask me questions about how I ended up where I am is usually, "life doesn't always work out the way we plan it." I think there's a lot of truth to that statement. We can plan and wish and hope for something, but then life happens...good and bad.

I like that you are ready to begin to live life, but you don't have to begin a new life without Mike. He will always be a part of you. There will be plenty of memories you want to remember and some you might want to forget, but he is always going to be a part of you, a part of who you are, where you've been, and who you will become.

It will take time, but I believe you'll find a way to live your life and move on while still honoring where you've been. Sometimes our biggest struggles help to shape our best attributes.

Wishing you strength and courage as you continue on this journey.

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I often wonder what my life would be like if I had taken this path or that path, made this choice instead of that choice, etc. Sometimes I think there is a parallel universe with another me, living without an eating disorder and not being eaten alive by anxiety and depression from the anorexia ...

But that's not my story, and the beginning of your post turned out not to be your story. We can live in regret or take hold of the pen and start creating.

You can write you story to be happy, joyous and full of love and friends and life. You are already writing your own story, and even though life will give it more twists and turns and surprises both pleasant and not, you are the ultimate author of your life and you can write the story to fit you are and the woman you are becoming.

(You really made me think with this one. I might have to write more about it. Thank you for such a provocative and inspiring piece of writing.)