Thursday, May 13, 2010

So did you know..?

My grandmother came up from Florida to visit, (really to see my Sister (Lori)graduate from Law school!!! Yeah Lori!!! (side note I am buying her a new computer for graduation, so I will hopefully soon have mine back full time as she still has a Bar study course, then the Bar at the end of june)

But I digress, Did you know that when your 83 yr old grandmother comes to visit to visit for a week your eating disorder magicly DISAPPEARS. No really its true, oh your doesnt, Im sorry mine does:(

The first few meals were met with the comment "ohhhh Im so glad you are eating", They were prefaced by the comment (this was before we sat down to a meal, "are you sure you are eating you look so "thin", I say "thin" because that is her perception of me not mine but whateves) So for 4 meals and 3 snacks, after every one I heard the words "Ohhhh Im so glad you are eating..." shes been here since tuesday at 3:30, so that means every time I sat down to eat....grrrrr.

Anyway after she saw me come down stairs at 10:30 last night (cause I had "forgotten" to eat my evening snack and was over come with guilt, so I went sown to make it) she said, "Im so glad this is all behind you now, You just cant have an Eating Disorder now, you just cant, Im so glad you are Eating now."

Hmmmmm so did you know that by just eating your meals and snack no matter how stressful it is for you (even though in front of her you hide it fairly well) you NO LONGER HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!!!? Its as simple as that, you eat, its over, I mean why didnt i just do this years ago...what was I thinking?

Grrrrrr Its so frustrating, If an Eating Disorder was just about eating my food I would have Recovered ohhhh so long ago, but if you weren't already aware ( but really I hope you are)(massive sarcasm) Eating Disorders are NOT just about eating the food, there is so much more to it...I know I know It shouldnt matter that she doesnt get it, its just frustrating that she thinks it is, like Im just some really vain girl who only cares about how small she is...anyway so now she thinks "im cured" all is well and there are no more struggles, which would be fine if that were true, yep Im eating my food, but believe me IT IS A STRUGGLE!!!

So apparently for the next 5 more days I do not have an eating disorder!!

So while I am going to be living a different identity ( not that the Eating Disorder is my identity) NON EATING DISORDERED Girl, I am thinking of changing my name while I am at, so what do you think Samantha, or Elizabeth, or maybe a name like Faith, I also liked those names.

So I will introduce you to myself "Hi, my name is Faith, I do not have an Eating Disorder, I am 100% emotional, mentally and physically healthy, and it all happened in a few days, I am a phenomenon, so if you want to know my secret to recovery, here it is, just have your 83 yr old grandmother visit for a week, she will let you know if your Recovered or not, I promise, mine did, and it is pure bliss"

Disclaimer: I love my grandma!! Its just so frustrating when people make assumptions and just dont get it!

Frustratingly yours,

Faith (aka Tara)


sarahlynn said...

Oh yes, I've had that one.
Funny enough, whenever I visited my Mom as an adult, I ate around her to prove I COULD eat (even if she couldn't) and surreptitiously threw up afterward. Kind of acting as though I didn't have a problem but knowing full well I did.

Can you not say... "oh.. Grandma? I'm still not doing well on this..." Make sure you say it in your most loving-needing-care voice. If your Grandma is a good Grandma (and I think she prob. is) she'll promptly give you ear and arm and cuddles to listen and try to make you feel better.

Which, frankly, you might just need. ;D

It sounds like attention-seeking, but its not. It is reaching out to FAMILY. Maybe try that? It can't hurt, and your Grandma'd realize that you're not 'well' just because you're making your best effort right now.


battleinmind said...

My parents are exactly the same. "Ooh you're eating now, I'm so glad your eating disorder is over" (This was like 2 weeks into recovery). I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously. Hope you can get through the next 5 days!!

firefly said...

Hmmm You can let her know you are struggling. I think it is good though. Keep working it. Fake it til you make it!

淑娟 said...

Better say nothing than nothing to the purpose. ........................................

Sairs said...

I can only imagine how hard that would be. My 80 year old grandmother lives in England, so I don't have to worry about that happening. But I do struggle with other family members, not the eating in front of them, but seeing the amount they eat. I find my mother very hard work. She is overweight and when we go out shopping and we stop for lunch, she won't eat unless I push her because she thinks she is too fat, which is true, but then she will have all these extras and sides that are so horribly full of the wrong stuff and then proceeds to tell me that she is a nurse and knows all about nutition

Family is hard work around EDs.

Keep your chin up and just remember it's is only a week!


Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I like Faith. Nice to meet you.

Maybe I'm a sap, but I make excuses for old people. I really don't think they understand. And oddly enough, I've never been able to refuse an offer of food from an old person, even if it's a fear food like a cookie or something. Too bad for me both my grandmothers aren't alive.

Seriously, I really thing EDs are outside their realm of experience. My mother is 70 and she is moving into that area of being "old." And she just doesn't get it. And I can't really explain it to her very well. She's not dumb, I just think it's her age.

So I ran faster but you caught me here. said...

I agree with Angela. My grandmother is about twenty years younger than yours, and eating disorders weren't even a thing of her generation. At 83 years old.. I think it's probably okay to let her be happy with the thought of her granddaughter doing well.


Zena said...

I completely agree with all of you...Im letting her be happy...she thinks Im well...and I am by far doing so much better then before, its just hard to "fake it" all the time...its just a few more days...shes probably slightly confused because she keeps hearing my mother asking me "did you eat?" my answer has been of course "yes" cause I have been...she just might be wondering if Im "cured" why does my mom keep asking...maybe I should tell my mom to shhhhhh...

anyway I was just venting, me loves me grandma...even if she lives blissfully unaware that I still struggle with food among other things that I shall not go into that now or I might cry and today is my sisters day...she graduated LAW SCHOOL!!!

Congrats deserve it...

hmmmm just a one in my family reads my blog but she too struggles with an ED not as severe but its there, anyway she is ubber supportive of you think maybe I should let her read it???

let her in our community?? maybe she will start her own...maybe it could help her heal too...just a random (well not so random) thought!


firefly said...

If this really works. Maybe you could rent your granma out to everyone. It will help you pay the bills. LOL How much longer is she going to be there? Love ya!