My grandmother came up from Florida to visit, (really to see my Sister (Lori)graduate from Law school!!! Yeah Lori!!! (side note I am buying her a new computer for graduation, so I will hopefully soon have mine back full time as she still has a Bar study course, then the Bar at the end of june)
But I digress, Did you know that when your 83 yr old grandmother comes to visit to visit for a week your eating disorder magicly DISAPPEARS. No really its true, oh your doesnt, Im sorry mine does:(
The first few meals were met with the comment "ohhhh Im so glad you are eating", They were prefaced by the comment (this was before we sat down to a meal, "are you sure you are eating you look so "thin", I say "thin" because that is her perception of me not mine but whateves) So for 4 meals and 3 snacks, after every one I heard the words "Ohhhh Im so glad you are eating..." shes been here since tuesday at 3:30, so that means every time I sat down to eat....grrrrr.
Anyway after she saw me come down stairs at 10:30 last night (cause I had "forgotten" to eat my evening snack and was over come with guilt, so I went sown to make it) she said, "Im so glad this is all behind you now, You just cant have an Eating Disorder now, you just cant, Im so glad you are Eating now."
Hmmmmm so did you know that by just eating your meals and snack no matter how stressful it is for you (even though in front of her you hide it fairly well) you NO LONGER HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!!!? Its as simple as that, you eat, its over, I mean why didnt i just do this years ago...what was I thinking?
Grrrrrr Its so frustrating, If an Eating Disorder was just about eating my food I would have Recovered ohhhh so long ago, but if you weren't already aware ( but really I hope you are)(massive sarcasm) Eating Disorders are NOT just about eating the food, there is so much more to it...I know I know It shouldnt matter that she doesnt get it, its just frustrating that she thinks it is, like Im just some really vain girl who only cares about how small she is...anyway so now she thinks "im cured" all is well and there are no more struggles, which would be fine if that were true, yep Im eating my food, but believe me IT IS A STRUGGLE!!!
So apparently for the next 5 more days I do not have an eating disorder!!
So while I am going to be living a different identity ( not that the Eating Disorder is my identity) NON EATING DISORDERED Girl, I am thinking of changing my name while I am at, so what do you think Samantha, or Elizabeth, or maybe a name like Faith, I also liked those names.
So I will introduce you to myself "Hi, my name is Faith, I do not have an Eating Disorder, I am 100% emotional, mentally and physically healthy, and it all happened in a few days, I am a phenomenon, so if you want to know my secret to recovery, here it is, just have your 83 yr old grandmother visit for a week, she will let you know if your Recovered or not, I promise, mine did, and it is pure bliss"
Disclaimer: I love my grandma!! Its just so frustrating when people make assumptions and just dont get it!
Faith (aka Tara)