Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Stability...

So much to say...not enough time...

Saw K yesterday...and I maintained .... good yes..for recovery...

okay so the good, no mp increase this week...good...

My body is happy...

I ate and followed mp even though I heard the Eating Disorder really loud saying "YOU DO NOT NEED THIS!!!"

I went shopping with Alexis and bought clothes, actually tried them on and now have clothes that actually fit and didnt freak out that I wasnt the smallest size available


ummmm thats all I got...

Bad, Im scared...that if I maintained this week I will gain next...

Eating disorder likes to lose weight even if Tara knows maintaining is what needs to happen

K thinks its water weight as my feet/legs were swollen, and it wont last and next week I will lose which will lead to another increase, scares Tara and ED, but I dont really know because I am confused...

I dont want to eat more but somehow it was okay when I was loseing, I know I said I wanted to be stable but I didnt realize how scared that would make me...

I need some courage...some encouragement...something...

Affirmation: The past has no power over me!!!

Love, Tara

8 comments:

Missing In Sight said...

It gets better. You can do it. One spoonful at a time. Trust your body to take care of you. My worst day in recovery has felt better than my best day in my eating disorder.

You did a great job of listing the good's and the bad's. I like what you said about your body being happy. Believe in that and it will make the struggle at mealtime a little bit easier.

You can do this.

Tenny21X said...

hang in there one bite at a time. you've done this before so you know it gets better. just give it time.
but, out of curiousity why would you think K will increase the food if she knows it's water retention and it's going to be fluctuationg?

don't get ahead of yourself, that never helps.

Liv said...

I dont have anything but to say I understand and I for me just knowing that someone else understands helps just a little. Hang on tight!

belinda said...

hang in there babe,
you know you gotta do this.
sorry i haven't been around much, i am thinking of you though. i know it's a struggle, it is horrid at times but your strength and courage are really beaming (i can see it from here!!)

love you honey.
x

Sairs said...

I like that you said that the past has no power over you. I can give you a couple more if you like that I got from DBT.

"I can be anxious and still deal with the situation"

"I can ride this out and not let it effect me"

"These feelings will eventually go away"

"This situation won't last forever"

I doon't know these are easier said than done but if you can try and think of some of these, they might help. I have these made up as my cards about a few days ago. You could also make up a distraction list for home and one for away from home. Ten things you could do when at home and also when you're out, for example - go to a book shop, go for a walk, have a shower/bath etc etc.

Try and just ignore ED. I have found nail painting quite relaxing actually only over the last few days, try and find something you can do like that that focuses away your attention on ED!

*hugs*
Sarah

firefly said...

Keep going Tara!!!!

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I know it's hard. But the only way out is through, and the only way through is by eating. You can do this - remember what you wrote to me? ("NEVER NEVER GIVE UP!!!)

{{{Hugs}}}} and lots of encouragement sent your way!

Angela

belinda said...

i like:

"i can be anxious & still deal with the situation"

thanks for sharing