Im going to post some pretty awesome shots of my kids and their athletic endeavours later ( if law sis dosent steal my computer before I get to:(
just want to say that EKKKKKK today is weigh day I LOATH mondays...dammed if I do and dammed if I dont by 2 different personality's of course...wahhhhh
and I am so excited cause I saw that I have 42 followers instead of 38...(which I had for a very long time does this mean Im more likable or just vain ? :)
Love ME
5 comments:
I got on the scale today. I was OK. I was a little freaked but I know the why's and why nots and I'm ok. I know you will be too.
POST THE KID PICS!
And congrats on more people following
Happy to hear [and read on fb] about the kids making you proud! I hope they had fun. Can't wait to see the pictures!
Weigh days suck. I'm sorry you have the anxiety of weighing in right now :[
I wonder if I'll ever get to the point where I'll be able to face a weighing! Or when I won't be perversely pleased at a loss.
Looking forward to those pics!
Oh - and I'm one of you're new followers.
*offers hand for shake* Sarah here.
Don't feel vain - feel proud!
okay Im going to post the kid pics in a min but I need to update on the weigh in situation....so heres the low down...Mike killed himself...I stopped eating like totally for about 3 weeks lost aprox. 10 pounds...around that she (K)was very upset freaked out on me read back a few posts to the appointment I wont soon forget....about 12 days ago i started eating again...fairly normally I wont go into the number of cals as it might trigger others not extreme, lean by some accounts but an HUGE amount considering I would maybe eat a cup of oatmeal and a non fat latte for the day...but I digress...I started eating again (did I say it was like the most painful thing ever, I forgot how wretched refeeding is!!...so today I got weighed, she didnt do it the first 5 min so I though hey maybe she forgot(no such luck)...I swear...she says take off your shoes and turn around...wait back up first I tell her I am sure I gained, "why?" she asks cause I can just feel it...her "are your clothes fitting differently?" me "no but I can just tell, Im sure"
she weighs me
gain...stable...loss those are usually my three choices...so thats what I ask...her "loss" me " I dont believe you...liar" yes I called her a liar but we r tight so its okay cause she knows i get nutty "you know what she says Im going to tell you just so you understand that EATING DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT!..you lost 4 pounds." me "liar" her " no, Im not, I only told you because I want you to see that your body will not betray you if you dont betray it, you can eat, in fact you really clearly need more but Tara you can eat and not gain weight!"
me "shit!"
"yeah so starving isnt really the best way to manage weight now is it?" said with a smile knowing full while that although I loath the idea of gaining weight, my eating disorder is about so much more then that...I dont eat to punish myself...to numb out and yes to feel pain...
so here I am in a dilemia
I have 3 choices
I can either continue to eat my mp (which will be increased like mucho if I lose again..blahhh)and try not to be disordered
or I can restrict and see where that gets me.
or I can eat the min mp ( the one she gave me for the first 2 days of refeeding) be disordered because I would be eating less then I should and not tell her and if my metabilism slowed down then she wouldnt increase my intake and I could get away with eating less cause really at this point I do not enjoy eating...grrrrr
okay today hasnt been the best cause I have been uber busy I start a project and cant stop til its finished...so I kinda got stuck in the perfectionist thing...anyway its after 9 and I need like several boosts to make it tonight...whatever...i will figure something out so thats the weighing update..now I shall try to post some pics of my fantabulous children!!!
Ugh I don't know what it is cuz my Dorothy weighed me and they NEVER do that. Dorothy was saying the same thing about eating and losing. She says you don't believe it because you've never given it a shot. Ugh so tired no energy(hmm maybe no anxiety) and have presentation to do. Have a good day. Isn't it funny weird connection about the bracelet charm and what A had on her shirt?
Post a Comment