K called...shes been "mulling" it over and she thinks it would be best to increase now instead of later...ummmm what??? I thought WE made the decision as in together to wait 2 weeks!! What the HELL are you freaking kidding like really...Im all for Recovery but one thing I can not stand is CHANGE!!! Dont tell me one thing then change it, without consulting me!!!
I get it, I have an EATING DISORDER, I see these PROFESSIONALS to help me get well but I am still a person, and yes I dont always do the right thing but freak at least lets discuss it, help me rationalize, dont just tell me, give me 2 min. and say okay I will talk to you later....believe me when she calls Im going to let her know that "HELLO...you freaking freaked me out massively and didnt even give me a chance to process it"..."DONT DO THAT!!!"
I can barely do what I am doing now, without wanting to rip off my flesh...actually I do want to RIP OFF MY FLESH!!!....seriously what am I going to do now...seriously I am about to cry...like now instead of 1 boost and a fruit I need 2 boosts and a fruit....it's 8:25 THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE ....unless i want to lay on my bed and writhe in pain...which I do NOT....
maybe Im being ridiculous...and throwing a tantrum but this sucks...SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!!
cry for me.
sympathize with me.
tell it will all be okay.
Im going t o meltdown.
and yes I do realize with all the horribleness that has occurred in the last 6 weeks I should not be freaking on food....but maybe thats why i am.
K just texted..."to see how Im doing?" and "when my ED doc apt.?" shes going t o email doc my MP...at least shes doing that, trying to get me out of having to lie half naked on a table with electrodes posted all over my body...aka..EKG. Dont want it...Dont need it...Ain't gonna do it.....FUCKING EATING DISORDER!!!! YOU MAKE ME MISERABLE....GO AWAY!!!!
end of rant.
sorry the end