Im trying to keep this blog positive, I really truly am. But I am completely losing it.
My thoughts never stop.
Im on a constant Gerbil wheel of thoughts and they are not good.
I cant bare this pain.
what he was thinking...did he change his mind? was it to late? did he try to save himself? Did it hurt. what was he thinking in those 3 minutes it took to die?
Was he scared?
why did he do this?
Didnt he think of us? what this would do to us...to me??
I lay in bed and I cant get the thoughts to stop...
I am so fucking distraught and no one seems to get it...
you need to live your life Tara, Live your truth!
Fuck my Truth!
Fuck it all!
It hurt to much to eat....I feel to much when I eat..it hurts to much... I cant take it...
I want the bottom of the mountain...i know it..its familiar...it may not be safe...but right now i just dont fucking care...
just make it stop...some one please make it fucking stop
im sorry im sorry to you guys, im sorry to mike..im just fucking sorry
god i just cant take it