Thursday, April 29, 2010


Im pretty sure I have talked about this before, you know the "missing" rational mind. I KNOW I have one I have seen and actually even used it before...but mine is a tricky little bugger, he hides on me allot. Sometimes under my bed, sometimes in closets, refrigerators, I even found him once in purse attached to a little sticky note S had written to me about "Food is medicine" and "I have inner strength that I didnt even know was there." So I know hes around, Its like a marco polo game, I call out to him with my eyes closed and he moves every time I get close to him..I'm never really sure where he is BUT I do know he's there so I keep searching and calling out for him.

This morning I captured him...haha, Sucks my little hiding friend but I am now putting you in a nice blue box with a nice tight lid on it and whenever I need you I will know where you are! Sorry buddy I know you like your freedom but when you elude me like you like to do, sometimes drastic measures must be taken, Its not like I want to hurt you, I dont, I just need you, so at least now I know where you will be in the box!!

But dont worry you wont be alone in the box, there will be pictures of Alyssa, and Zack and Isaiah, Mike will be there too so you can play marco polo with him,( as you clearly eluded him as well) there will also be lots of qoutes, and postive afermatations, so you will be able to read, you will also have some silly putty and beading material to play with, oh and I know you like to color so yes even though Its somewhat childish if you get really bored you can always color, I find it very distracting and it passes the time so Dear Rational mind you are mine, you are here to stay. SORRY, but I found you and you are stuck!!!

I would also like to just thank you for not giving me the hardest time trying to find you, maybe you were only half awake when I caught you, but it was nice not playing the marco polo game with you, I was tired too.

So my Dear Rational mind, even though you are now in captivity I hope we can become friends, that one day you wont need to be kept in our little blue box, maybe you will just sit on my shoulder and just whisper sweet nothings in my ear, but for now you have a new home! If you want can even throw a boost in there too...Do you want chocolate or vanilla? ...sorry we are all out of strawberry. :)

Okay my friend I will be back to visit with you in an about an hour, just rest while you can, we have allot of work to do!!!


lisalisa said...

haha cute! Glad you found your rational mind- lock that sucker up so it doesnt get away again! And if you see mine running around let me know ;)
Good luck with the new MP

battleinmind said...

Ooh I'm jealous! Do you fancy finding my rational mind? I'm working on minding mine...I'm getting closer every day!

Keep that rational minds under locks!


Zena said...

well he stayed with me all day (like he had a choice) I think hes happy because i decorated his box and now its pretty...I will post some pics of his new home soon, cause I know you are all dyeing to see what it looks like;)

I kinda lost my crap a little while ago as we were driving home from Zacks first game (which he rocked at, his coach said he has an arm like steel) anyway we have to pass our house (you know the one where we lived and mike died in) it freaks me out every time but today was just bad...the kids started asking about their dad, how he died? why? how they will never see him again, and Zack said "the only way we can see him again is if we kill ourselves" i practicaly puked on myself...of course trying to keep my composure I corrected him saying no we will see him in heaven again when God decides its time which is usually when we will are old, and that when we get there we will have eternity to spend with him and he wont be sick or sad anymore...then as we are almost at our street an ambulance with lights and sirens turned down our street...thats when i really started to panic, the visions, thoughts, fears, panic all just gripped me like the rope he hung himself with...Im trying to calm down, trying to breath and act "as if", I gave them there baths and they r watching a movie...I am going to take my meds NOW!!! because I am really just so shaken and sad and unsure I dont even know what to think. and whats really bothering me now is where did his cell phone go, he ALWAYS had it in his pocket ALWAYS!! but its no where to be found, I keep thinking he threw down the basement stairs because I kept calling him that night and he didnt want to hear it because he had already made up his mind and he didnt want it to be changed...all I can see right now is him just hanging there...I really think I am going to be sick...okay I gotta go before I throw up on the key board.

淑慧 said...

Good Job!!......................................................................

zubeldia said...

hi babe, just stopping by to say hello, and that I'm thinking of you. So sorry I am not here more often (I'm reading but just rarely have the hands free to type). You are a brave woman. Keep on stepping forwards, Tara. All you have are the moments, and they are always more doable than the minutes, hours, days, months, years....

Love love A