Now would not be a good time to quit tx...
but Im sick of talking about everything...
The life I am ment to lead
I just dont want to think about anything anymore and tx makes you think...and it hurts.
It hurts before..it hurts durning and it hurts after...
Im sick of hurting
I say all this and I am ment to be walking out the door to see S...did I mention I am back to 2xs a week sessions...so that makes 2 with S 1 with K 1 with SS (my pdoc) thats 4 sessions a week to talk about death, depression, anxiety and food...none of which makes me feel any better...
whats the point?
seriously...I have been in therapy for nearly 9 years, I have been seeing K for 4, I have been to 2 residential tx centers phyc ward like 8 times and php and iop more times then I can count...oh plus I see an Ed doc every 4 weeks...Im tired, Im tired of being sick Im tired of talking...maybe I should just accept that this IS the life I was ment to lead...disordered, fucked up and miserable.
People keep calling asking me to go out and do things I just let it go to voicemail...I dont even want to talk to them...they are just trying to help, or maybe they just take pitty on me...I dont want pitty...I just want to wake up from this nightmare that has been my life.
I want a do over button!
All I would keep are my kids...everything else has been shit!
seriously I really dont think talking will make it any better
can it change my father leaving us when I was 8
can it change that he tried to do bad things to me when I was 11
can it change that I was raped at 17
can it change I spent 12 years in an abusive relationship
can it change the fact that 19 days ago my husband hung himself
Nope no of that can be changed by talking so really what is the freaking point??
Someone ANYONE...Tell me you have recovered, that it gets better...that life doesnt completely blow...cause really Im seeing no point...no point in trying to change things if its just going to stay this shitty...
one day I will be happy....I will one day die (not by my hands) and I will live with jesus and we will sing and rejoice and dance...but right now earth sucks!!
and talking just isnt helping!!
your welcome for another uplifting post....:(
positivity is not one of my strong suits right now...and maybe never again.