Monday, March 9, 2009

I dont know

I just feel like I should blog as its been a pretty busy weekend but I couldnt think of a title...sooooo...

lets start with Friday, A had a sleepover with her Friend from school, the little girl was so well behaved...made me kinda jealous and wonder what i am doing wrong as a parent but who knows maybe A is like that for other people, well I think she is, gosh I hope she is...so we took the kids to McDonald's for lunch and I ate a salad with chicken...bonus for me, no purging...yeah!!! we came back home and the three oldest played together for 4 hours with very little fighting which was cool, then around 5:30 we took them to chuck e cheeses and they had a blast they loaded up on pizza and sugar drinks and wore themselves out...got home and the little girl called her mom and said how much fun she was having and how great I was ...bonus 2 ( the girls mom also happens to be Zs preschool teacher so that was cool) yep folks I am officially a cool mom!!, so then the kiddos all watched a movie and slept on mattresses on the floor and tehy fell asleep around 9:30...it was a cool behavior free day!!!

Saturday we got up and I made the kids breakfast ( pancakes) of course after having a behavior free day friday Ed was pissed so no breakfast for me...anyway As friend was picked up at 11 so I then took my 3 to the park for 2 hours...I was exhausted, but M called a 4 and was like NO EXCUSES...we are going out...I figured I had better eat something so I had some eggs and a piece of cheese freaked out and purged, so we go out around 7:15...we went bowling and I got a little drunk, M got a lot drunk and by teh end of the night was an ASS!, but I ate at the bowling ally and felt incredibly guilty for it...but oh well...only purged once, so that was good...

yesterday..hmmmmm the time change threw me for a loop. I missed church. and because M was an ass on sat night he felt bad for me and let me sleep in well he didnt wake me til 3 pm...great so I slept the day away...got up and took the kids to the park again, I had a salad for dinner so I restricted big time....well I guess my body was hungry cause I woke up at 1 am and ate half a container of frosting and purged...it sucked...I woke up this morning and took a bunch of laxatives (8) ugh I feel so sick, and I was the helping mom at Zs school today, so I had to run to the bathroom 2xs...gosh it sucked but I had a blast in his class, the kids are all so cute...and now I am sitting her waiting to be sick again..blahhhh..so that was weekend...so good some bad...but mostly even...

wish I had something more exciting to write but this it for now...will let you know if something better comes along, oh yeah I need to make a crap load of cupcakes casue tomorrow is As birthday, not her party but her real birthday...

love, Z

10 comments:

PTC said...

You need to worry about yourself, my dear, not me. :( I am fine.

Zena said...

I worry about me but I am in denial too...so its better if I worry about you;)

PTC said...

I don't think so. You need to take care of yourself. You're behaviors are quite dangerous. Your heart can't take them.

firefly said...

Z: What a weekend girl.The restricting set you up for purging. ugh It's a horrible cycle. I'm dealing with it too. I can't believe A is having her birthday tomorrow. I remember last year at this time. I'll have to call her and wish her happy birthday. Everyone's getting old. She's defiantly not a baby anymore.

Kristina said...

Z,

You haven't connected the purging to the therapy appointment that you had. Do you think there is a connection? I know that it's hard to break that cycle, but you can do it. As others have said, you have to care and to see that you are worth it.

Zena said...

Sarah,
I am waiting for your call...I love ya!!

Kristina,
I have made that connection..I mean I did but I didnt...I thought the opposite would happen, I thought I would get better, its just dishearting.

Love, Z

Telstaar said...

Sounds like you had some good some bad! I wish I could make it better for you...I wish that a lot. Here and reading and interested in the everyday stuff as well as all other things so thanks for writing this post even though you weren't sure what to write or how to label it!!

xoxo

belinda said...

love you girl
i know i am not the support you need right now..
please know that you are often in my thoughts though.
i love you, i do!

x

Zena said...

Bella, You are always the support I need I love you!!

Telstaar,

thankyou so nuch for reading I am struggleing so bad...yesterday was a train wreck...

love, Z

belinda said...

how are you today baby?

x