Sunday, February 1, 2009

I think I am getting sick :(

not good for a chic with an ED...to start to feel the body aches , lack of well you know appitite...and all the other shit that comes with being sick..I need some sympathy guys. M has the flu and hes on a diet so I am sure he loving the not being able to eat thing...which is so triggering...but anyway what you gonna do about it. the kids want to go to a Super bowl party and I want to go to bed!!!Besides I am having a SEVERE body hateing day...so bad in fact I want to cut off parts of my body..I cant stand it when I dont feel good both physically and emotionally...it sucks the nutter butter...what do you guys do to make yourself feel better when you want to rip your skin off???


ugh I feel like such shit all the way around....waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

besides well never mind no I cant goto php tomorrow cause lack of child watchers in other words BABYSITTERS, even though they all are not techincally babys..ummm I think I am delirious cause I am really rambleing..oh and here s the best part M, think I am pregnant by another man, he thinks I had an affair while IP, completely irrational..If Im pregnant its cause his boys survived teh vesectmy...oh me oh my, my life is sucking right now

LOVE, Z

13 comments:

belinda said...

Zena my love,
I am sorry M is being painful. I hate those kind of accusations. They really can hurt and you don't deserve it. Sick or not, you don't deserve it!! (take it from one who knows, ok).

Feeling ill, not being able to go php and having M being ummm... irrational, these are all things that play into the body hate and the ED. it truly sucks, plain & simple.

when i have those days, it can be hard to pull yourself back. can you think of it as it is your ED is having a body loathing day, not you? perhaps you could use some sweet smelling lotion to tell your skin and your body that it deserves to smell pretty & be nourished? remember this is all part of the ED tantrum behaviour when it is being rejected.

keep up with the MP and keep kicking ED butt!

love you cupcake
Xx

firefly said...

It sounds like you are really struggling to do what you need to do. M is being so irrational. I can't believe he said what he said. Err you don't deserve it. I wish I could watch your kids for you. I need a diversion today. Superbowl sounds like fun but if you are sick why do a party. You need to do what you need to do. Hang in there and take care of yourself.Remember life is worth living. Don't let ed in to take away your joy.

Just Eat It! said...

I'm sorry you're feeling sick. It's never fun being sick, especially when you have to eat to stay healthy. It's days like that when you just kind of have to subsist on chicken soup.

M shouldn't be so irrational- it sounds like crazy talk. Don't let it get you down. Take care of yourself- you deserve a break! (And a nice long nap.)

Zena said...

thanks guys..I appreciate all the support...M is being irrational and it is driving me insane, but oh well...B as for teh nice smelling lotion...well I think that might be a good idea and maybe a hot shower as we....lets revolt against Ed together.

Sarah,
I am not going to the party..I just cant expose myself to all taht food too much of an opportunity to self sabatoge..I wish you could babysit too, I know you need the diversion and I sure do need teh sitter...whats going on with insurance BS.

Just eat it,
your name should be my mantra..lol...I think some good old fahioned soup and nuturing is just what I need...and yes a VERY long nap.

okay ED fuck off...I am not to fat I need to REcover, and I deserve rest..DESERVE...DESERVE...DESERVE...I Deserve to recover

Love Z

PTC said...

Geez, I think M is a bit paranoid! I hope that you feel better. Drink some hot water with half a lemon and some honey!! It works!

Feel better. Sorry that you can't go to PHP tomorrow. That sucks. You'll be okay though.

I don't know what to tell you about feeling like crap in the other way because I have to solutions for that when I want to chop off my body parts either.

Zena said...

PTC,
that sounds yummy..and soothing to my poor throat...we could chop off our body parts together...got a knife//lol...although its not really funny at the moment..loathing sucks

love, Z

firefly said...

They say body image is the last thing to go. I go to two groups a week on body image. Avoiding art therapy. lol Hope you got everybody tucked into bed. I really need to see my therapist tomorrow. She's been in Texas since Thursday. We are suing insurance for more coverage Love ya! Sarah

PTC said...

Hope you're feeling better today. get some cepacol drops for your throat!

firefly said...

Thinking of you! Tried calling last night but you aren't answering. Gosh I miss you!

belinda said...

Zena,
how are you feeling today?
how is M?

i hope you are hanging on because i want you with me on this journey ok!

love you!
x

kb said...

Zena,

Being sick is SO hard - I had a pretty bad cold a few weeks ago and forced myself to eat 3 meals, be healthy, all that stuff.
But I hope that you can stay focused (and rational!) and take care of yourself.
You are doing good work,
Kristina

Jena (Violet) said...

aww I hope you feel better, honey. I just had the flu really bad, so I know what you're talking about. Be good to yourself and get lots of rest.

Zena said...

thanks for all the well wishes..as it turns out my whole family is sick and I got the least of it but I am the one running on no sleep, as my Z man has been vomiting all night, M has been in bed for the last 4 days and A and I(the baby) have been hacking up a lung for the last 4 or 5 days or so. I am trying to stay on track but the purging has crept back up in a ,major way and I really NEED or MUST rather get back on track...sorry I will write a propper update when the vomittig ceases some...

Love,Z