I can not just jump with 2 feet into REcovery ...its to much pressure to be fucking perfect all the time...REcovery is not a STRAIGHT LINE. its more like a bumpy road with lots of Big ASS bumps...yes I am swearing cause I get to get it out somewhere, and well this is my outlet...no one else seems to hear me. I am off to see K in a few minutes and I am going to talk to her about moderation...that this black and white perfectionist thing isnt working and I am falling back into old patterns, like if I dont follow my MP completely then why bother at all just purge or restrict...STUPID!!!!
Now when I follow it 100% I feel GREAT...flipping wonderful like I am a true winner but when I dont well then I am big time LOSSER...and I cant help it and I am sorry to keep harping on it but my FIL comments really are eating at me I need to process them in group cause if I dont well then I can tell you all hell is going to break loose in my Ed behavior cause its eating at me literlly and figurtivly.
So I think my MP is too big...no one else agrees...so I guess once again I am wrong...blahhhh, I will talk to K about this today and about the FIL comments casue geez its really pissing me off...like for real, and i think I am starting to get my period oh joy!
okay so back to the moderation thing I do everything in all or nothing formats..either my house is sparkeling like yesterday or like to day it a bloody mess, why cause I have three kids and if I dont stay on top of it ALL the time then it gets trashed...but that needs to be okay things need to be okay when they arent perfect, I need to let go of being perfect...any ideas?
ohhhhh my fIL is pissing me off, first of all M has been sick for like a WEEK, yes a week, he has been in bed for well today is the 5th day, and I have to go to PHP and they dont want to watch teh kids cause Zack was throwing up yesterday well he was throwing up from his asthma...he would cough so hard he would puke...so gross but he has has three nebulizer txs and is doing much better still needs tehm every four hours but anywho so they werent going to take any of the kids they were goign to make M watch all three kids sick as he is..well I guess they had a change of heart and are taking the baby and A...so M only has Z to deal with...but how unreal is that they want me to get better ( I missed tx yesterday) but they were insisting I stay home and not go to program AGAIN. what up with that??
arrrrrgggggg...they irriatate me!!!
okay but I need to moderate
I cant be pissed forever, I need to let go and let god ...Right? how do you guys get over it when you think you have been wronged?? I would be interested to hear.
okay enough of a rant..hope you all have a great day!!