Saturday, February 14, 2009

okay...not okay

thing s suck the big one I am trying but you know they suck knobby knobs balls...I am on a break from cleaning and I thought I would blog about my suckiness. so far a yogurt and it 1:25pm...okay so things are not okay and I suck good thing is no purging yet today..and I am having dinner with the mom figure.

I just want to go back to sleep

help guys I feel like shit



belinda said...

can we feel together?
whats going on? why are things so sucky? feel like talking about the suckiness?

i understand the sleep factor, such a perfect escape.. but it's not really, it just seems that way. i did it yesterday, i kept just falling asleep for hours. it didn't improve my suckiness though.

talk to us honey!

Zena said...

Hey sweet B,
I cleanedmy house and I am manic..typing so fast.

the suckinest factor comes in where they didnt think I was ready to leave IOP, but I had to cause I had no childcare

I either restrict or BP..not a good thing...I did have a small breakfast and an okay lunch so I am trying to get back on track its just hard so freaking hard.

I have going out to dinner with mom and the kids tonight cause M has to work. Hes been working allot which is why I have been purging allot cause hes not here at night...and night is my worst time..i always feel so out of control...

what are you feeling my sweet to me

love, Z

PTC said...

what is REALLY bothering you?? That's the question.

Zena said...

what is REALLY bothering me...Im I am nervous about seeing S again...she was so strict in her last email to me I am afraid if I fuck she will fire me...although I know K wont, in fact she will fight for me I am still VERY scared


Jena (Violet) said...


PTC said...

I'm glad you realized WHAT the REAL issue is here. You are not fat. You are very, very eating disordered.

Zena said...

yes eating disorded, and I am fucking sick of it...hear me ED!!!! I am fucking sick of this shit..leave me the fuck alone....and I am least today i am...ed says so!


PTC said...

I wish you could go IP for 3 months.

Zena said...

me too

firefly said...

Z: I could tell that they would think you aren't ready to leave the partial program. You really need to tell M that you need him at home at night. Restricting is not o.k. either. You are still pretty into your ed. Get him out of your head. Fire him. lol You deserve a life w/o ed.

belinda said...

hey Zena,
can i be really frank?

ED is a fucking c&*tning liar piece of crap!

you said it yourself, you are anxious about things with you & S. that's it, it's not fat at all. stupid ED just tells you it's about the physical because it is too fucking controlling to let go sometimes. bahhhhh!! kick ed in the butt (i know you can!)

i know nights are hard and i think you need to work on things with S, with us, with M to help.

i'm here to listen babe