Sunday, February 15, 2009

what keeps you going???

when you want to quit, i was just curious for all of use folks out there in recovery land. How do you push through the anguish. I mean I know the Ed casues anguish but hell so does REcovery,

We just finished watching spider man ( well atually I fell asleep) guess it couldnt have been that great a movie but the Z man loves spider man boy whatever he is...anyway i want to be spider man a fly...leap ...or whatever it is that he does and bound from building to building and save and rescue my fellow humans...so why the fudge cant I or wont i rescue myself...huh??? got an answer for that one...yeah I didnt think so.

I was thinking back to remuda ( thanks to jena) and it got me thinking anout what I really need to be doing...some hard core body image, body loathing negating, deep ass digging into the world of why Tara thats me folks thats my real ass name what keeps Tara with an Ed.

I felt it appropriate to use my real name as I am being truly real!!!

no more making this ohhh I cant do recovery bullshit, time to hop on the horse as they would say at remuda...So here folks heres what made me want to change, heres what I thought I would do when I left remuda heres my commitments..well heres some of them

*I am commited to not counting calories

* I am comitted tofollow my MP in its entirety

* I am committed to not fasting

* I am commited to no exercise for one year

* I am commited to not use gum as a way to suppress hunger

* I am commited to not obbessively clean ina way to burn calories

* I am commited to nottake laxitives or diaretics

* am commited to limiting to limiting my caffine intake

* I will not consume dt. pepsi or diet products

* I will not binge nor purge

* I am commited to not isolating myslef from ,y family friends or tx team

* Iam commited to taking all my medications

what do think folks this is whta I need to do in order to recover do you think I can do it???

Love, Z

10 comments:

Zena said...

where did my post go

Telstaar said...

I DO think you can do it! I think it will be hard, but you're so feisty, you can do this. It's okay to be up and down and to be both at the same time, but you can do it hunni. I like reading and being inspired by you. You can do this. If it helps at all, I'm gonna cheer you on! xoxo

Zena said...

It does help thanks telstaar...Inspired by me well thats a new one..thankyou with most sincerity!!!

Love Z

PTC said...

I really hope you can do it and get out of this nasty hole!

Zena said...

thanks PTC,
I really need all the help I can get!!!

you are so cute

love, Z

Just Eat It! said...

I KNOW you can do it. The only thing that keeps me going, and seriously it feels like the only thing the majority of the time, is that I want to have a future. I want to go to college and get a job.

Funny story: I was actually composing my memoirs today and I got to the part about my "commitments" during Family Week at Remuda. Weird that you mention it.

Zena said...

I knew you were at remuda

the catch challage change it thing was to familiar

love, z

Zena said...

I see S tomorrow..yeah!!!

Im doing good today ladies, yeah for me!!!

Love, Z

Jena (Violet) said...

(((((Zena)))))

I'm so glad that you were able to get thinking of Remuda!!! You've got recovery in the bag, you know that? It will be a struggle, yes, and there are ups and downs, as you know. But as I've been getting to know you, I've noticed that you have so much resilience- resilience is a really powerful quality to possess. Telstaar used the word "feisty" to describe you, and I agree. :) And yes, you are inspiring!

I don't know exactly what eating disorder recovery looks like, but I support you fully. You are helping me in a unique way because of it.

belinda said...

hey hey zena my lovely!
of course you can flipping do this!
you have come so far darling & i love to see you continue to push yourself. you are fabulous, you know that?!

i'm struggling like hell but holding on, to be with you cupcake. i love love love you

let us know how you go with S

XX