Tuesday, December 28, 2010

To tired to see S

unfortunately I have to go cause she has my meds as I am not to be trusted with large amounts of medication, cant imagine why or what I would do with them, blahhhh.

I would really like to hop into a nice warm bed and sleep, I had a nice run and then the kids and I swam and the gym I go to, they have like a mini indoor water park that the kids love so we did that for like 90 minutes, then I got them lunch, I m freezing now cause its soooooooo COLD here. and I need eo go see S, then as I never go out I told a friend of mine we could go to the mall as we both have giftcards, yeah my fav thing shopping, actually I really like shopping, just not for me, So I wont get home til like 7:30, I will be cold and exhausted and have to force myself to eat dinner cause not eating anything for a day is no bueno, at least some dinner carries me through the next day...

K 1 more hour and I see S, it will be good though cause I havent seen her since last tuesday cause of christmas, maybe she can help me screw my head on a little tighter, sooooo sooooo sick of fighting my head, just wish it would shut the hell up, on the plus side I havent had a panic attack in 3 days, so thats really good...probably just jinxed myself, way to go Tara.

okay love to all, stay warm and hug a kids or an animal, we all need some love this time of year...lol mine are both kids and animals, best of both worlds I suppose...kids = animals, I have no pets, not since our hamster died.

okay peace out before I ramble some more.



Lisa said...

Hang in there. You can do it. you've given me so much encouragement- follow your own advice :)


Z. said...

You can do it! YOU CAN! S's are frustrating sometimes, but good too. Good luck hunnie.

belinda said...

hey sexy lady!
i'm hoping, when you said "hug an animal" you were thinking of me, with Poppy, Swiz & Roxy (can't realy hug the turtles). haha

i had a little melt down last night and Roxy was amazing. She knew, in her eyes, oh, what an amazing little girl i adopted! i know Daniel would have loved her dearly.. i like to think he brought us together :)

first things first...
dinner.. MUST HAVE
what happened to b/fast and lunch?
come on girl, you know you gotta kick butt with this (with me!!)

i can't comment on the cold because.. well.. i got sunburn yesterday and while it's been a very cool summer for us, it is warmer than NY... eek! snow! i cannot imagine. even more reason to enjoy the nutrients babe. this is not the time for restriction (let alone, all the emotional crap of december. meh!)

what did you get at the mall??

how are things with k & s??

love ya heaps,
miss you
tell your kids that when i skype you that they need to tell you and then when they are finished with their internet usage that you NEED to chat with ME!! hahaha

ps... i love vodka & mersyndol :P
my bad? yup, loves it.. and you!


Zena said...

Haha B, was totally thinking about you hugging the animals, roxy, poppy, swiz,, me with mine, the animal children :)

for real they are on the computer ALL the time playing thier internent animals...they are deprived:), I will a stern talk with them about handing over the goods when they here a ding on the puter...for real its ridiculous, but it does keep them somewhat quiet, they are going to have to change the time of the feeding cause I miss my Bella (((hugs))

Breakfast, lunch..hmmm they arent my friends lately, but I do manage chinken and a baked potatoe every night and a boost around midnight, so I manage.

You are all sooooo WONDERFUL!!!

S was good yesterday, we only talked about Ed at the end and yes made ANOTHER plan, but we talked about the real issues, guilt, shame, anger, whatifs and the fact I will never really know...its the what ifs that really do my head in..what if I found him, why? what could I have done? why didnt he call me? and the worst yet, what if we had been there ( the kids and I) when he had done it, would he have killed us first, or would he have just let us find him....blahhhh its a circle whirl wind of thoughts, my head needs to quiet some.

Love you all