That feeling of hopelessness and dread, of praying God will take us in our sleep, I just, I want to know if in heaven, our marriage would be whole, would we live as a family in harmony, would we be happy, would we love with no pain or anguish, I know he isnt in pain and more, I just want that for us, no more pain.
No I wont ofcourse not take mine or anyone elses lives, because that is murder, but the thought is still there, I wish it wasnt, but it is, and it makes it so hard to push on, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to not give up.
oh and while I was at the gym yesterday, I came home to hear that my down stairs bathroom had flooded, with over an inch of water, dripped down through the vent onto my stock pile of emergency food, ( yes I collect food, incase the world were to explode and my, kids need to eat), Im pretty devastated. and it flooded why...cause Ima dumb ass asnd while I was babysitting 3 other kids so yeah 3 plus 3 makes six kids and 1 me, I dropped the baby's nipple down the the toilet, dont ask me how, I just did, so yeah its stuck down there, and now I only have one bathroom, peachy
add it to the list of retarded things I have down in my life...could have been worse, RIGHT??? yeah it could have been. Dont sweat the small stuff, Iwont, I will just be grateful, it there wasnt any shit in toilet at the time, that would have been nasty:)