Sunday, December 19, 2010

Its back

That feeling of hopelessness and dread, of praying God will take us in our sleep, I just, I want to know if in heaven, our marriage would be whole, would we live as a family in harmony, would we be happy, would we love with no pain or anguish, I know he isnt in pain and more, I just want that for us, no more pain.

No I wont ofcourse not take mine or anyone elses lives, because that is murder, but the thought is still there, I wish it wasnt, but it is, and it makes it so hard to push on, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to not give up.

oh and while I was at the gym yesterday, I came home to hear that my down stairs bathroom had flooded, with over an inch of water, dripped down through the vent onto my stock pile of emergency food, ( yes I collect food, incase the world were to explode and my, kids need to eat), Im pretty devastated. and it flooded why...cause Ima dumb ass asnd while I was babysitting 3 other kids so yeah 3 plus 3 makes six kids and 1 me, I dropped the baby's nipple down the the toilet, dont ask me how, I just did, so yeah its stuck down there, and now I only have one bathroom, peachy
add it to the list of retarded things I have down in my life...could have been worse, RIGHT??? yeah it could have been. Dont sweat the small stuff, Iwont, I will just be grateful, it there wasnt any shit in toilet at the time, that would have been nasty:)

Love, Tara


battleinmind said...

I'm sorry you are feeling so low, God is with you in this darkness and wants to comfort and protect you.
My prayers are with you and your family.

Lisa said...

I"m sorry things are hard right now. People want and need you around. Stay strong babe


ps- can you see my blog? ( i made it private? )

Zena said...

thankyou both I m about to take a nap as my mother took my kids to play.

ps Lisa I cant can you send me an invite at

Eating Alone said...

Well I guess you are still fighting if your saving a food store! That gives me a lot of hope. YOU will do what you need to do in order to take care of you and your kids.

Angela said...

I don't believe that you are going to give up. You have so much strength, courage, and bravery inside of you. I can even hear it in the posts when you say that you feel like giving up. You are not a dumb ass. Things happen that we have no control over, and all we can do is try to get through it to the best of our ability. Sending you much love and {{{HUGS}}}

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. It seems like things are really up and down. You sounded so determined the other day, and today you sound so down and I feel so bad for you. Please let your team know how you are doing, and the things you are thinking.

I'm always praying for you.


Wanda's Wings said...

Your story inspired me. I read it on a friend blog. You have such a strong spirit. Continue to care for yourself and your babies. Stay strong.