Saturday, December 4, 2010


March 18th

The day he killed himself I wrote a post about the sun and fear and shit and how I needed to get over it.

The sick part, on the day I decieded I needed to change my disposition, he ended his forever, and in calling order, mine has been forever changed.

The sun does go away .... it may never come out again, and fuck, the darkness is killing me too.


Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

Oh, hon! The darkness will eventually lighten and then lift. I wish I could tell you when.



belinda said...

i don't want to sound...
umm i don't know mean, awful and morbid... but..
maybe he had to leave? to help you change?

please don't take this the wrong way. i would never wish Mike dead, or to have seen you and the kids go thru what you have had to go thru.. never!

but the abuse, the horror.. maybe it would have never changed and now you are free? sometimes i think like this. it doesn't change that i love and miss my boy every day but i am free from THAT.

you know for a fact that seasons change and the sun will shine down on you. and even thru this, the most hideous and difficult times i have heard you laugh, make jokes and most importantly, i have seen you survive. struggle yes.. but still survive. the sun is shining on you babe, leave your heart open to it's warmth.


Zena said...

Thankyou Angela. B, You and S are on similar pages, Of course I know you would ever wish ill on him, ut the abuse for so long, its there, ingrained, I miss him dearly, but I think part of the problem is that now that he is dead, I want to forget the bad, it makes it pretty hard to move on, deal with all the traumas and go forward, I suppose admitting the real truth would be a good step...

love you girl, you are so wise

Eating Alone said...

You can still change and you are. We all change that's what life is and does to us.

Big hug!