Thursday, December 23, 2010

so sad

I miss him so much.

Im so broken.

My only hope is that he is spending christmas with christ.

I am wrapping presents alone.

I bought and decorated a tree alone.

I shopped alone.

I feel so alone.

Tears are falling.

Why it hit so hard this morning?? Im not sure.

But his presence is sorely missed.

I love you mike, and now I just dont know anymore.


Eating Alone said...

So where were the kids? I hope they helped decorate the tree. They are most likely dealing with this as well. I pray that you all pull together in season of hope.

I also hate to say it but it will hit you hard for the rest of your life. There will be times when you just think "where is he?". You will learn to deal with it over the years but I really don't know if it will ever go away.

I also don't know if it should go away. That's what a life does. It touches others and doesn't just vanish after it is gone. It stays and reverberates throught the lives that it touched.

I hope that makes a little sense. And I'm glad you thought of him with Christ for Christmas. That shows you know that his pain is over. Yours is still here but it's nice to know that you can think of him being happy, wouldn't he want you to be happy?

Sorry for writting a book.
Merry Christmas!

lisalisa said...


flaweddesign said...

big hug.....i have no words. :(

Angela E. Gambrel Lackey said...

I'm so sorry.


Zena said...

The kids were always there, at least with the tree stuff, its just I dont have a partner to help me.


Im okay right now.

I took some meds and ate a frozen dinner ( only thing I ate today, I know I know, but it was better then nothing)

now alyssa is yelling at me because I have no where to hang the stockings...right now they are hung over the couch,

but Im okay

I will be okay, this christmas will be hard.

But Im okay

and knowing he is at peace...finally, gives me some sort of wierd peace.

we miss him allot, but he clearly coulnt handle this world so he must be better off in heaven,

I am sad, but Im okay

we WILL be okay

thankyou so much for all your love and support these last few weeks and always, it has really meant the world to me.

Love, Tara

firefly said...

hugs I know it will be hard!

belinda said...

my thoughts are with you this christmas (as always)..
what can i say?
well.. it's hard, fucking hard. holidays and birthdays will be a reminder that is for sure.
does it get "easier"?
i think so. this doesn't mean you love or think of Mike less, it just means that you have got through it before and you accept that while it IS hard, you can do it. and you can create new memories. you can still celebrate with Mike and your babies, it is just different now. and that hurts, i know baby, it feels like hell sometimes.

i love you so much darling girl. i am sending lots of sunshine and joy to you and the kidlets.

you know what makes me smile? (and a little sad)... Mike and Daniel celebrating christmas, relaxed, and with the lord. they are watching over you, and me and they are happy we are surviving.. we are honey, we are.


Eating Alone said...

Merry Christmas!