believe it or not I ate like a pretty much normal person christmas and the day after. with minimal purging, today however, well Im back into my head...I saw K today, at 2,we had a pretty big snow storm, so I made it to the apt, after some shoveling, I had coffee this morning and when we were half way through our session she asked what I had eaten so far...I searched my brain and realized, I hadnt, so I had to fess, I left my food and exercise journal at home because Ima dumbass, normally I would just give her the journal and she would see nothing was written and then we would talk about and make a plan, somehow saying nothing seems worse then seeing it written down...
anyway I only did a 35 min run today, 4 miles, not bad considering I really just started actually running again in october, normally I run for 65 min but like I said we made a plan...
I stuck to it.
but its 7:24 and I havent even eaten what I burned while running, and Im full..I think, well definately not hungry, I already fudged my food journal I already wrote that I had my 10 pm snack of banana and boost, and I know I wont be up at 10 cause I feel crappy, and I dont even have any boost so I couldnt even if I wanted to, which I dont..
whatever this post is so dumb, Im just in ED hell and so sick of the same thoughts running through my head.
besides I should have run the 65 min, I feel like a failure for not, at least in the mind of my disorder,Im a failure.
I really can not wait til its bedtime
1 comment:
uhm. same thing. During session today, Amy asked me what I had had today and I didn't mean to not have anything- I just didn't remember to either...
i had to say.. "uh coofffeee..." and yano of course she proceeded to hand me a luna bar...
lol
hang in there
xoxo
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