I am a piece of shit liar who does nothing but lie to further her ed and i cant for the life of me figure out why, I mean i WAS doing so good...I just cant be trusted to do this on my own...WHy lord why do I do this??
So I emailed S last night a rather vague email on how i might not be doing as well As I would have her believe...she sent me back an email an asked what it was that i was trying to tell her cause she had I feeling I couldnt really be doing as well as i played it off. Not that I couldnt be casue she didnt have faith in me but because it is so early in recovery and brain couldnt have switched so fast...so i told...short sweet and to the point " I have been running and purging" end email.
Gosh I feel like the biggest piece of dog shit!! I mean lieing to your tx team might be a regular occurance for some people but like I never do it, I always let them know how badly i am sucking...but this time was different EVERYONE was so proud of me and it was nice. Nice that people actually had some faith in me...like yeah maybe i could really do this, and I think I was in complete denial.
In fact I still am cause physically I feel fine I am think clearly or so "I" think. I am well feeling good about being able to still run nearly a year after my last excursion...i caneven do 3 miles already without walking which those of you who run know that when you take time off ( like a year) its slow going getting back into the swing of things.
anyway i am sorry for lying to you guys too, you trusted me to tell you hwta is going on so that you can help me and give me advice and you werent getting the whole story...Im sorry guys please forgive me.