I am wanting so bad to go back to AN...its more acccepted then bulimia..why??
I know I know i am in Recovery but the thoughts are still there...
I talked to K last night and she was like have you ever heard of BDD (body dismorphic disorder)...yeah but thats not me i really am fat...NO she said you are distorted!!
I have fallen back into a restrictive pattern...maybe its cause my lack of prozac...reminder to self GET FILLED!!!
I have such an urge to restrict its sickening...I not by the way but the urge is so strong...i dont know how much longer I can hold out.Sigh..:(
I am back to counting everything and staying just under my MP...which we all know where that leads and I am so sick of throwing up..Im done with it...so done.
which brings me back to my orginal question why is AN considered by society and most Ed'ed people acceptable and bulmia is considered gross..I mean its all disordered, I guess I just feel AN is about having control and Bulmia is about a lack of control...ugh
Someone challange these thoughts cause they are driving me batty
Love, Z
14 comments:
Sounds like you might be heading down the wrong road!
I agree, I think AN is definitely more accepted b/c bulimia is seen as gross and disgustiing and "how can you do that?" type thing.
sucks doesnt it..i mean teh stigma sucks..yeah not a good road...i need to change my path
Love, Z
It does seem like it's more accepted than bulimia. It's odd really, because a lot of times severe restricting leads to a loss of control and the development of bulimia. It's all disordered eating, so why should one be more accepted than another?
Yeah ya do!
laura,
You really think its not...i dont know...your right though severe restricting can lead to a B/P...at least that s what happens to me...still sucks though...I hate bulimia!!! I think cause I B/P and restrict I think of myslef as B instead of EDNOS...its all disorered though you are right on that point!!!
well, i think there's this sort of subclinical anorexia that's not so much accepted as unsurprising. People don't freak out at the 2-5 (or more) people at every gym who are clearly struggling with something. If someone says they have bizarre food allergies or are vegan/lactose-intolerant people aren't usually inclined to push too hard (not to say people aren't actually sometimes allergic or lactose-intolerant, etc).
I don't think it should be accepted, but society doesn't really have a mechanism for addressing people in that subclinical realm. Ideally, it'd be up to friends and family, and I think most people just avoid conflict so much that they don't rock the boat.
H4H,
I agree that there are many "undiagnosed" Eds out there but there is still a stigma that goes along with being bulimic. People who are bulimic will go to any lengths to hide there disease due to the "grossness" factor and with AN its just kinda out there, you can see it, its more visiable and people accept it more. Being "too thin" is somewhat worshipped where as eating and throwing up is looked uponas dirty.
Z
yeah, one time when i was in treatment a doctor actually said "are'nt you embarrassed? I mean, throwing up, that's not very lady like, is it?", and then she went on to talk about how people generally look up to people who have AN. Made me so mad!
Keep talking to your T and being honest about how you feel...thats about all I can tell you...I struggle with the same thoughts.
I will never understand why society puts such a stigma on bulimia and holds anorexia in such high regard. Both disorders are equally dangerous in their own ways.
The sad thing is that even in treatment there was this social hierarchy based on what disorder people had. I specifically remember talking to a girl with anorexia (at the time I had been diagnosed with EDNOS) and she said she thought she was better than another girl with bulimia. I was frankly pretty disgusted with her.
This kind of reminds me of a discussion I had once with a girl in treatment. I talked to her about how it was easier for me to admit that I had an eating disorder than it was that I had self-injury problems.
Hey Z: I totally agree that people have different opinions on the different types of ed. I do think one may set you up for the other too. You can't afford to go down that path. I'm getting excited to finally meet you! Pray that I make it.
I actually wrote an entry on this exact same thing awhile back called Anorexia vs. Bulimia if you want to check it out. I totally get what you're saying though.
lisa,
I cant believe any tx provider would ever say such a thing how positivly aweful!!
Tina,
see thats what i mean the stigma related to bulimia sucks...for the longest time i couldnt even say the word let alone admitt I had it...now I have come to terms that I am ednos and I am fine with in...most of the time though I just say Im bulimic...I m ean I throw up allot ( gross I know but its the truth)
Jess,
i would love to check out what you wrote...what month is it in??
Love, Z
You're at S right now....
Zena,
It may "seem" more acceptable, but either one or both, as you well know, stem from the same unresolved issues and neither will make you happy.
I may be one of the only people who actually 'preferred' the bulimia part of the spectrum to the anorexic, because, at a more or less normal weight, I appeared to be totally fine. Yes, there was a part of me that liked being quite thin, but it made me feel so transparent and obvious. The bulimia, I could hide, and hide I did for years and years.
Whatever the community says is "acceptable", it's all bullshit and it all sucks.
I hope you can find your way out of this all.
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