funny JD that you shouls ask those questions cause my T and I were just discussing what AN does for me... and what bulmia does not do...
Here gos my list AN makes me :
like I am worth something
like I can do what others cant
it makes me feel pretty
In my T assignment..I am to rebutt these statements with the "truth"
so it here it goes
It makes me weak
it It takes away all my power
It makes me different cause I have a mental illness
It makes me gaunt and sickly looking
I know, well at least I think I I know that when you all keep challanging with saying "what about your family" you are doing it because you care but in reality it only hurts my Recovery and I will tell you why...
My T says I cant do this for anyone else it has to be for me or it wont stick...I have tried doing it for my family, for tx centers...for everyone but me there is a missing piece thhat I have yet to figure out...anyway but I digress...my whole life I have been taking care of other pepole, my mom, my sisters, my dad, my H and then my kids...I love my kids but i do not love myself and until I figure out how to do that then i figure Recovery will be futile... None of you guys have kids...you dont know what its like to have someone depend on you for EVERYTHING, the stress of it the thought s that all I am is a baby maker..another caretaker...I love my kids they make my life worth living but there is also this deep hole that can not be filled by being the nuturer...
I am trying guys i have good days and bad days yesterday was good I completed my Mp and had a good T session...yes I exercised...but I havent purged in nearly a week and I havent taken laxitives in over 3...so i am making some progress...i have decieded that the drinking is bad and will only deture me from making true Recovery...I am trying I just want youy guys to see that and support me..yes i slip up...sometimes i catastraphize which is maybe what I did yesterday..If i did thenIam sorry once again