I see S in a few hours....but first I would like to say a huge thankyou for you all who supported me through my last post...it was a very sad and embarressing time for me butI am glad I came clean...so thankyou!!<3
i am obsessed with losing wieght I stepped on the scale wenesday (three times) and the number was 7 pounds less then what I wieghed last week, very triggering, I layed in bed til 2 in the moring obessing on how much wieght i could lose and how fast I could do it...i cant seem to stop the thoughts in my head they are getting stronger and stronger...like i cant wait to be AN again...sick i know but it still feels like my goal..i know i am going to get lots of challanges on that one but its okay I need them.
Im drinking again. Bad news for a coule of reasons: I am on alot of pretty heavy duty meds and drinking either negates the purposes of taking them or makes me pretty screwed up or both. I am getting depressed again and the only thought that keeps me going is knowing that at least I am getting thinner...
I am going to my moms for what might be my last run...or at least according to S my last run, but I dont know if i can give it up so easily, its additive you know and it swhat I think is helping me lose all this wieght.
I know folks I am screwing up left and right but I also am in comlpete denial, its that old additive that AN is okay but bulimia is not ...on that front I havent purged since sunday which is a really good thing and that will make S happy.
oh and one last thing as I know this is a pretty boreing post but i got a new coffee mug and its 14oz's and it yummy its 2 its 2 cups of joe in one...yeah for the small things.
Oh and one more thing Z man had tee ball practice last night and A did on tuesday and let me just say my kids are natural stars...they can already whale the ball...its great!!only thing Z man ran to 2nd instead of 1st after he nailed t and then had to go back to first but he still made it with out getting out. My kids a rock star!! and A, well shes got one hell of an arm on her...she can throw father then me ( not that that says allot:) but she too is incrediable..my kids rock the boat dudes!!!
much love to you all, Z