I saw S today and went in hopeful and walked out ummmm PISSED OFF!!!! why pre tell you ask, well I will tell you why and I am sure you are all going to say this is your ED talking but I beg to differ I mean I have a real brain and sometimes I even ":)
I asked a purely legitmate queation and prayed I would get a fair answer I mean really I want it so bad...what do I want???I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seats...well I want to RUN!!!!! now i will tell you why...and its not cause I am fat ( although that is part of it ) but really i want to feel free...i want to feel my lungs burn again...I want my muscels to be sore i want to feel like my body has a purpose a real purpose.
I will give you a little background exercise was officially taken away from a year ago april 30th..i was very sick and almost died, my heart rate was in the low thirtys and my EKGS were off the charts bad. I was on a feeding tube and like I said almost died..tehn I went to remuda and they saved my life...i came home still on exercise restriction. We tryed it for a week last November and I was immediatly banned due to abuse...whatever. I have changed...my mind has changed...I thinks. I want Recovery!!! I do I swears it!!
So anyway i left pissed off cause my suggestion of a month symptom free and S says to me//" Oh so you want to play symptom swap" WTF man...No I dont want to symptom swap I want to run.. I want to be free...I want to feel freedom...the wind in my hair. Ugh I just wantto run and I have lots of reasons none of which seem to matter cause every one thinks I will abuse the privledge. I am so sick of never controlling anything.
Damit I want to run and noone will let me...so folks I tryed..and I failed
Life sucks and apparently so do I....