after a long talk with a good friend tonight where we kinda joked about our Eds, I realized..FUCK...Im so slipping...first thought
DONT REALLY CARE
that was also my 2nd 3rd and 4th thought
but K called to comfirm our apt tomorrow and to tell me she was pulling out all the stops because when I cancel 2xs in 2 days somethings up
so I am sat here
do I really not care..
or am I just desperate for some help
really I dont know
but i will go
and I will see how it goes..it couldnt make it any worse right??
I guess..its just talking about food...when so much else is happening seems...useless??
but really when I am honost...its not
I just wish it was
dont really know what Im saying ...
more then I would like to admitt...
its just food right??
only with me...its not
I suppose I should just accept that so I could recover already...
just dont know if I am actually ready
I mean I AM...
it shouldnt hurt this much...
only thats not true...
i know better
i just need to remember the alternative is soooo much worse...
okay so an ED post...despite "my" better judgement
its out there
I need help
not sure I want it
but...will I ever??
so it cant hurt...to ask??