ugh i am so anxious I could scream, i am on my way to see K so she can reinforce the no exercise policy!!! BLAHHHHHHH.....I havent exercised since friday, of course I have barely eaten as well, oh well the anxiety is super way up there and I am feeling like crawling out of my big ol skin.
I know I am so anxious cause Im not eating yet the anxiety around teh food is to much hell its a vicious cycle and it sucks the big nub...really big time, I am trying to be positive but what is K going to do for me..Im not eating so what can she say...well please eat...yeah right...this all sucks and I am so fustrated with myself...I need to get back on Recovery Row and I am at a loss as to how to overcome the anxiety...
okay I will eat dinner
but thats it only cause M will be home...eek I cant handle this ED...
M got drunk all weekend and went off on how I suck as a parent and I just want to be the kiddos friend ( not true by the way) I dont care if they like me they just dont listen to me and things like sleeping in each others room doesnt seem like a big deal to me...
Now I admitt I still drink but I dont badger teh hell out of him when I do...I just want to be left alone , why cant he just accept me for me and support me with this Ed Recovery instead of telling me how selfish Iam for having it ( the ED) Friday he wanted a divorce...today he loves me, all that adds to my crazy anxiety..I dont know which end is up half the time..would you??
We have an apt. to see S on the 16th maybe that will help
ugh...I can hardly breath
I need my clonipin..probally should get it refilled
oh and I dont have a license cause I let it expire, got to take care of that today so all of it, the food, the man and teh license well I justcant take much more..someone help me