and the one that doesnt
that s what I am dealing with right now the voice that says I am a fat pig and dont deserve to live and teh small quiet mousy voice that wispers health..and when I say whisper I mean whispers..I can barely hear the voice its so quiet..and its the voice I want to listen to..not the one that says being thin is everything..tah taI deserve to die if I dont listen to it..Its a very scary world out there and I am not so sure I want to be a part of it...
I have thought what it might be like to have a candle lit for me cause it killed me...and you know what it feels soft...like a big fluffy pillow..I want that pillow..i want that soft glow of the candle light..and it kinda scares me...I think about death so often lately.
I dreamed I was in the hospital last night ..with DR.A and not being able to breath cause my heart would nt pump right and I wasnt scared, I wasnt scared at all...i kept waking up hopeing to get back to the dream...and I did..I kept dreaming it over and over again..until the weee hours of the morning...and it felt good...It felt safe..calm and quiet.
I need this all to stop...I need it all to go away...I need the pain to stop and I need to stop living this fake life..this joke of an existance...Iam so sick of living..Im just so sick of it all..