there has got to be a reason why I am so stuck in the cycle of ED...what is my payoff why am I doing this to myself?? what do I need to prove?
I want to be the best the best at everything I do...but I dont want to be dead or maybe I do, I dont want to lose my children and I am sick of hurting my daughter, Ed is saying fast today but I am going to ignore the Ed voice at follow Ks plan...I went out to dinner last night and order off thre light menu ( pissed of my inlaws) but I ate half and some salad so I think I did okay...
you lost wight ...my MIL said..NO I said...yes ...well I am still fat so its okay I say...well Im not watching your kids if you go into the hospital again...and still I think its the only option to get me healthy I need a lobotomy, I cant fight the Ed voices they are so loud, I hate it...I have a headache.
I am nervous about my session with M tomorrow night I am afraid of what he will say...I am afraid he wants a divorce, he is sick of me and truth be told I am sick of me I am sick of being sick, when will it ever be enough??? NEVER!!!!
okay so I know that yet I keep trying to please the Ed...
okay I need to take my meds
which I have been taking on time every day
yeah for that!!!