Monday, December 29, 2008


I am so sad. and I dont know how much more I can take.I feel like everything is wrong like I cant do anything right and all i want to do is sleep...and. my son spilled syrup on my key board so its all sticky and not working right. I wish I could go back in time before I had kids...I would have killed myself then. Now I cant cause they need me to much. It sucks really it be forced to be on this planet...any way I wouldnt want to be buried this fat...I m so gross...and A. broke my coffee mug, the new one I got for christmas...

The kids are off from school which is no good for me cause it ruins my I still havent showered yet...and its after one food. no thing...I neee to take my meds, at least I can do that right.

I want to lose 20 pounds by the 15 th not possiable I know...but its still my goal, today is day 1 of my fast so far I had tea...i let you know if the day gets any better...dont see how it could though




Palmtreechick said...

Z, you are killing yourself. You know that, right? You won't be here for your kids if this continues. It's sad and I wish you'd get the help you need.

belinda said...

oh honey,
sweet sweet girl. i just read a few of your entries. things are pretty bad right now & i am really worried about you. restricting like hell sure won't fix anything - i know you know this. what is going on? really going on? apart from weight? cals? self destruction? why so much pain darling? i am here & waiting to hear about YOU, not your ED.

i hope to check in on you tomorrow, if not it might be on monday as i may not have internet access until then but know i am thinking of you.

be gentle sweetheart
i love you!