Monday, December 29, 2008

depression

I am so sad. and I dont know how much more I can take.I feel like everything is wrong like I cant do anything right and all i want to do is sleep...and. my son spilled syrup on my key board so its all sticky and not working right. I wish I could go back in time before I had kids...I would have killed myself then. Now I cant cause they need me to much. It sucks really it does...to be forced to be on this planet...any way I wouldnt want to be buried this fat...I m so gross...and A. broke my coffee mug, the new one I got for christmas...

The kids are off from school which is no good for me cause it ruins my structure...like I still havent showered yet...and its after one ...no food. no thing...I neee to take my meds, at least I can do that right.

I want to lose 20 pounds by the 15 th not possiable I know...but its still my goal, today is day 1 of my fast so far I had tea...i let you know if the day gets any better...dont see how it could though


sigh

Z

2 comments:

Palmtreechick said...

Z, you are killing yourself. You know that, right? You won't be here for your kids if this continues. It's sad and I wish you'd get the help you need.

belinda said...

oh honey,
sweet sweet girl. i just read a few of your entries. things are pretty bad right now & i am really worried about you. restricting like hell sure won't fix anything - i know you know this. what is going on? really going on? apart from weight? cals? self destruction? why so much pain darling? i am here & waiting to hear about YOU, not your ED.

i hope to check in on you tomorrow, if not it might be on monday as i may not have internet access until then but know i am thinking of you.

be gentle sweetheart
i love you!

xo