So I saw S last night and taht sucked I sobbed my way through the whole session, on how much this Ed steal s from me, it takes everything I enjoy everything that I live for it takes my life and I just sobbed and sobbed and she was glad I was getting it out. I compared the Ed to a snake that slithers around me til its grip is so tight I cant break free...good comparison she said...what will help you break free...I dont know I sobbed, but please dont take this away from me its all i have to keep sane. Sorry she said you cant!!!
YOU CANT. It stung my ears like a piercing cold, what cant I do you ask well I cant exercise...its not fair and it make me so sad and I cant really stop crying about it...but I am to compulsive, the walking turned to running rather quickly ( runnings not allowed cause of me heart) and she said my compulsivity returned with a vengence..
SO my 2 week trial of exercise is over and its not fair I tell you, its just not fair.
honestly I dont know what she will do if I ignore her request and do it anyway..will she fire me, is that a risk I am willing to take? I dont know I will have to think about...It kinda sickens me at the thought of not having S anymore, so I will most likely abide by her rules but it SUCKS I TELL YOU...IT SUCKS the BIG one.
My face is still swollen from all the teras I shed last night...she let me go out the back door as I was to embarressed to go ut the front.
Im really glad you came in she said...yeah me too I said, you dont have to say that she said...okay then, I said I wish i hadnt.
she laughed and said it would be okay, we would work it out and I wasnt alone in this, I just need to trust her...we wished each other Happy thanksgiving and I left, only to sit in my car and cry...ad I went to the gym any way..
In other news A is sick with a bad cold, coughing her little lungs out..and whinnnning oh so much, if I here the word MOMMY one more time I just may change my name ... maybe to asshole or something, something I would forbid her to say so she could nt call me 24-7...oh well she s sick and such is the life of a mom with a sick kido.
I have much to do today folks...I have yet to go food shopping for the wonderful feast ( I hate the word feast) we shall me having tomorrow, I have a TON of cooking to do and I am not eating or fasting again today..playing with the food should be fun times back to ols AN times of making it but not partaking in it...tomorrow I will have some soup and turkey and thats it...maybe M will let me go for a walk...maybe...
WELL Happy THANKSGIVING Friends....dont choke on your turkey legs...pull the wish bone and may all your wishes come true>