Wednesday, November 12, 2008

spoke to soon

OMG I have purging all day, HELP!!


okay okay lets dissect

Why did this happen today after 2 good days what was the trigger...well Fuck if I knew I would nt have been in this position.

I am so sick of living like this SO sick of it and to top it off I am a fat really I have gained like 20 pounds since Remuda...So thats 30 lbs since May WTF..

I need some serious brain overhauling

all is well or as well as could be in the land of the kiddies and the H is being good so what gives

I am about to quit

really folks

just about to give up



Palmtreechick said...

Z, you were underweight and needed to gain weight. You're ED is talking big time right now and I'm calling you out on it. I hope tomorrow is better.

Zena said...

thanks PTC, yeah I know I needed to gain some but now I have gained to much, all this B/P is making me now i am fat...well almost fat according to charts...blahhh

no food today its the only way I can figure out how to not purge...shit ED GO AWAY!!!


belinda said...

right my sweet zena,
you need to stop this in it's track right this minute!
the only way to end the b/p cycle is to eat healthy regular meals. you know this, you CAN do this!
this is not about the number on the scale, although i KNOW and understand that it feels like it is.

this cycle is containing you :(
it makes me so sad honey, because you are such a beautiful girl with so much love to share.

what is it in your life that is missing? (a question for you Z, not ed!!)
what do you want? (don't answer about weight)

i love you girl
email me!!


DaftDragon said...

Give up purging or give up trying to get better?

I have also gained 30 pounds this year, so I totally get how frusterating it can be. It is a horrid hopeless feeling at times, and I understand.

I really really hope tomorrow is brighter.

Sending love and good karma,


Zena said...

okay ((B)), you know me well and you know that this has been a battle ( Ed ) for a long time and I know you are right i am so contained in my littlelife of Ed s world, and frankly it sucks, sucks big time...No B/P today, most likely cause I didnt eat much and slept allot but whatever gets me through the day at this point...what is missing frommy life hmmmmm, good question I will have to think about and get back to you but really its I feel like such a louse of a mother for still having this ED even after 2 tx centers today was a good day which means 3 out of 4 were good, 75% not bad...Im trying to be positive...

Kim ,
thanks for the good vibes..I really need are you?

Love, Z

belinda said...

i'd still like to hear what you think you would like from life?
we can all attend a million treatment centres & while they help us out of a crisis, they don't "fix" us long term.
i know you are a beautiful mother :)