Thursday, November 20, 2008

Im a failure

a flop

a dissapointment

a jackass

cant wait to tell S what a piece of shit I am

And to top it off I am still a cow

good grief

when will this madness end

why I ask

I cleaned and slept and purged today what a life what a freaking life

I need some serious help

where is S when I need her....

* I am a sad mess because I am so fat and I am useing behaviors and I am well getting sick AGAIN. how long can this go on I am going to be 29 next thursday yes...Thanksgiving..I think god is having a laugh at my expense...hahahaha, and I have had an Ed of some form or another since I was 15..this is getting a little old, really old actually.

*M is getting really worried AGAIN...and I dont know how to stop this mess, I dont want M to be worried, really I dont so I want to hide it and we all know how eds breed in secrecy....ugh what to do?

* Im to tired to do much of anything although I am allowed to work out 4 x s a week and I am taking full advantage of it...Im to tired to even type this really sucks

love, Z


belinda said...

ok tara,
you KNOW this is Ed talk, all the way!

you are not these judgments that you pass on yourself. and yes, you do need help, we all do to help move past difficulties and that IS ok!

what is it that the ED gives you that you can't get in life?
you have fallen back into it and i wonder what it is that keeps pulling you back? (we both know it aint about the weight!)

rest honey,
you need and deserve it!

love you

firefly said...

Tara: You don't need ed in your life. I really think that you could have used more time at Remuda but let's not go back to the hospital again. You can turn this around. Fight ed please. You are stronger then this! When we meet we don't want ed to come along. Hang in there girl. I miss you so much.

Palmtreechick said...

Maybe you should consider going back into the hospital. I KNOW it would suck, but seriously, it's what you need and it's the only way you can come back and be strong for your family.

Zena said...

I wouldnt go back to the hospital for a million dollars at this wieght I am grossly fat...gross...