Saturday, November 15, 2008

nothing

I have nothing all day

except sleep and lay around, Im so lazy and fat

I cant stand myself

I am now on bathroom watch as M now nows about the purging so I cant pee alone til 30min after I eat...ugh I guess its a good thing..

i have to meet my father for some free diapers after church tomorrow and for those of you who know the father crap well it should be fun ( sarcasim)

we have a church social after church tomorrow and I have made cranberry orange bread...I dont want to go as its a food thing but fuck it I might as well go and make a fool out of myself.

i just tried to pee and he locked the door

unbelievable

OMG

this is what my life has come to

I am remuda all over again

Zena

5 comments:

DaftDragon said...

Hey there, sorry to hear your dragging today.

And as much as you hate it, you know the bathroom watch is a testament to love, which is always a great thing to have.

Good luck with your father, I hope tomorrow is sunny :)

firefly said...

Tara: popping in to read your message. Shh! Don't tell anybody.Could the wanting to purge tonight be connected with seeing the dad tomorrow? I read through your blog. Know that I love you and am thinking of you!Do you know that if my treatment where for 30 days I'd be done next Thursday. ugh they still won't let me drive.Keep in touch. I'll try to call you tomorrow.

Zena said...

kim,
thanks sweets for the encouragement, I know he loves me..it just sucks1

Sarah,
i miss you sweet pea..miss you so much

love you...keep fighting!!!!

Love, Z

Palmtreechick said...

I know you feel like you're living in a prison, but M is just trying to help you!!

belinda said...

sweets,
please don't be so hard on yourself. you CAN cope with these feelings, as awful & retched as they are.
remember feelings cannot hurt you but acting on them can.

love you.x