Im so afraid, I can articulate the fear that is consuming me, I feel frozen, stuck, so scared...It hit me last night as I made dinner for the first time here, we sat we ate, I cleaned up and I froze, Im alone, I dont have partner. These children are my sole responsibility. I am responsible for all their needs, wants, happiness, It is I that buys and makes their food, pays the bills, takes them to appointments, plays with them, does their reading, holds them when they cry, comforts and disciplines. I am here ALONE. Its hitting me all over again, like a brand new hell. The loss of him feels greater then 3 days ago, I layed in bed and sobbed in grief, in fear, in panic...unable to even speak with a friend who has been thier 100% completely through this entire thing, I couldnt carry on a conversation. My blanket covered with tears and snot...I barely slept, and I am sat here under a (different) blanket shaking and trembling in fear...I was nervous but excited, now I am terrified, and I miss him so much, It feels so completely wrong to have moved to a new place and hes not here. I know they feel it to, I want to go home,I repeated that over an over again last night...the problem...I dont know where that is...all i know is my heart, it hurts and it wants to go home.