Thursday, May 14, 2009

It was the worst of times...It was the worst of times

the anxiety and depression is killing me and i will explain to why i am sucking so bad in a minute but first i need to scream or cry or throw a massive tantrum cause all this pain is more then i can bare. Things are so stressful in my house right now, i was up all night with the Zack man as he had a bad asthma attack cause he was outside while Mike was cutting the grass, yeah so i come back from run all thinking that thngs have got to get better then they are and I instead come back to a hacking child...So anyway we were up all night and when we finally got to the doc around 11 this morning his o2 was at 93% not great for a kid, the doc seemed pretty worried and gave him another nebulizer tx...it didnt work so he gave him some steroids...and now my little man has to be on steroids for the next 7-10 days, i hate him being on meds like that, it freaks me out. So we get home and I am exhausted..and we lay on the couch and I cant get up..i am emotionally beat down with all the shit that s been happening..oh did I mention Alyssa was late for school cause we were up all night..yeah so thats one missed day and one late in one week not good especially cause she is struggeling.

Anyway SO we are claiming BANKRUPTCY!!! yep thats right we are 30 Gs in debt to creditors and we cant pay the bills and the lawyer said we had no other option...so that s a bit stressful. My mother is pissed about it she says it will ruin us forever but we think its better then losing our house so thats what we are doing...I know I know it sucks but I dont want to hear another word about how we suck with money...I KNOW WE SUCK WITH MONEY..I get It, I know stop telling me already(((MOM))).
and of course its all my fault cause I spent all this money durning a manic phase like a year ago and we cant seem to dig out...so yeah its all my fault like everything else.

Mike told me he ummmm well cheated me and then he took it back...he said he was trying to get back at me but needless to say its been causeing me some great stress..I think he didnt do it but well then again..i dont know I guess he didnt do it...It just sucks casue now I dont trust him and am afraid of him actually doing it..WTF...WTF...

and then of course there is the Ed which is getting worse and worse I lost another 3 pounds...and I get wieghed again on monday and Ed is telling me I need to be lower again...I wanted An back so bad and I get I got my wish...great one more battle to fight...so yeah it was the worst of times and is the worst of times...

Oh and what is with the thispo AD on my blog google sucks

Love, Z

6 comments:

belinda said...

ooh zena
this sounds like such a stressful time for you. if you even need to just talk, you know i'm here for you.
a/n is only going to make this horrible situation worse babe.

love you so much
x

Dee said...

Zena-- I declared bankruptsy back in '98 and it was only on my credit for 10 years and then it fell off and I was still able to get credit on other things.

I'm sorry about your son's asthma. I have it and it sucks. For many years I didn't have it though...thanks to drinking straight black coffee one night. It wasn't until I got a cat that it came back.

It is a stressful time for you...talk to your T about it and also journal about it.

Safe hugz!

firefly said...

Wow Baby things are really stressful right now! I hate uncertainty and not knowing what to trust. It makes everything uncomfortable. I'm glad Zack was o.k. What is making you think A is behind? Hang in there girl. Using AN will only set you farther behind!Go forward with your life.

lisalisa said...

so sorry you are knee-deep in all this suckiness! Wish there was something i could do! Bankruptcy sucks but it will not ruin you- my sister went through bankruptcy a few years ago and now she has credit cards and just bought a brand- new suv (not sure this is a good thing, but that is another story). Hang in there- dont give in to AN- i know it is hard, but it will just make you weak and less able to deal with these situations. Force down some boost if you have to! You can do this! I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can, one day, hour, minute at a time! I am praying for you my friend!

Jena said...

LOL, I thanks for your comment on my blog girl! I just posted it, you're fast! Um, I changed my "mood pic" and the quote under it, thought you might like it. :)

Telstaar said...

*hugs* I'm so sorry that things are so so crappy right now. It sounds like filing for bankruptcy might be a good thing in helping you guys sort out current money troubles as well as working through stuff for the future.

Aww hun, it sucks that so much is going wrong at the moment. I wish I could make it better for you. Keep holding on.

Love Telly xox