an update

ugh..the weighing every day is driving me bananas....but aside from that I am doing pretty well. yesterday was my first full day in php, it went well, I have lunch and a snack there and it was okay, scary but okay!, I had dinner with the mum, and that too went well. They want to work on trauma stuff which I am not quite sure how to deal with that its scary to think about the stuff with my dad, they put him on a "not allowed to visit:" list after him and my sister made a suprize visit and I freaked out before and after they left...big time after, they almost had to sedate me...but the prn worked and i calmed down...

SO whats going on :

Lets bullet:

* The Z man is acting out in anger, he keeps saying he hates me one minute and he loves me the next, he has taken to hitting himself and thats scary...he hasnt been listening in school and I think we are thinking about taking him to see someone...he needs some one to talk too even though hes only 4 he has got a llot of anger issues!

* M went to see a therapist for the first time on tuesday night and I think it went really well, he seems to like the guy and they talked for an hour and a half,so that os good. They are going to work on his anger and insecurity issues, and of coursethe drinking.

* WE have decieded to go see a marriage therapist...YEAH YEAH HIP HIP HORRAY!!!!! I want our marriage to work and teh only way that will happen is if we get some mediation and soem serious therapy but on the upside i do love my husband and I want to work out I really do.

* I have been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, borderline personality disorder, and Bulimia suptype purging, it feel wierd be diagnosed without AN since I do restrict so much but I also purge ALLOT so that s what they dianosed me with and I am okay with that I mean an ED is An ED its NOT WHO I AM!!!! its just a problem I fight with.

* A is doing really well in school, she is learning how to read and it s so exciting watching her sound out words, she may need glasses but thats okay we will deal with it, she says no one will be her friend if she wears glasses but the truth is she is very popular, she gets invited to all the partys...but her binge eating is getting out of control I had to go buy her a bunch of knew clothes last night cause none of her new jeans from X-mas fit her...its hard for me to deal with but I am not saying anything I am just trying to divert her attention to other things and ask her what she is feeling, I dont want to deny for fear it will have her grow up thinking certain food s are bad, my mother did that to me and I dont want to repeat the cycle.

* Baby I still isnt talking much and I think he is starting to get into his terriable 2s a little early I think but of the fustration comes from not being able to talk...he understands every thing you say and the doc says thats what matters...he says NO real well and its getting a little old.

* I like my T up at php..I have worked with her, three times before and she is the one who wants to do the trauma work that I dont think I am ready for, they took me out of the trauma group and said we will work on boundry issues. The good news Is I dont want to die anymore which in my opinnion is a very good thing.

* I already had breakfast in fact I had it at 7:30 so I am right on schedule...I am doing this folks really this will be the last time, have faith in me ...I need all the back up I can!!!

Love, Z