SO the trauma of my childhood is comeing back to haunt me, both my IP and OP providers want me to spend at least 6 months away from him. How do I do that?? He made a suprize visit with my sister while I was IP and I was really thrown for a loop I had a mini panic attack and the DRs up there put him on a do not contact list, that in itself was pretty scary.
okay so I am going to say I was traumatized by my father as a child he ruled with an iron fist, emotionally and physicaly. when I was 11 he stuck his toungue down my throat...and I cant seem to get over it. I dont know if anything else happened as I have blocks of memories missing. But what ever happened I have always been a 11 year old when it comes to my father. I have never been able to use my voice with him as he makes me feel like a child, and I am afraid of him.
He keeps talking about forgetting the past and forgiving and moving on ( he became a preacher a year ago) I dont know what to think or what to believe...why does he keep saying forget the past...why?? Part of me wants to know teh whole truth and part of me just wants to keep it hidden...why hurt myself even more, but all the therapists say that unless I deal with the PTSD I will never get better..well shit thats a hell of a prognosis. SO folks I am at a cross roads I want to get better but I dont want to confront my father...any advice??
In other news I am doing really well with my program and I am being honest with everyone as to where I was, which is really big for me as ED s thrive in secrecy...I have learned so much about myself and my diseases. I not only have an ED but BPD, and Bipolar type 2, plus the PTSD stuff, whew I am allot to handle..lol.
I found out that Ms new T wanted to see him 2xs a week but will settle for once right now so he goes back next tuesday I think it will be a really good thing for him, actually for us!
and last but not least I went to see TOBY KIETH biggest and baddest tour and might I just say it was AMAZING!!!! I love TOBY KIETH ...hes my boyfriend for those of you who didnt know...hahaha. Mike knows and hes okay with it.lol. I am taking today off from PHP to have a stay and play date at the Z mans preschool and I am pretty excited...I have missed allot of time with the kiddies and Iam just glad to be home...okay off to change a diaper and clean the bathroom...then snack time!!!