I dont know how are when it happened but somethings changed...I WANT more, more then the life with ED could give me, I am amazed by my own STRENGTH, its been nearly a yr, I have been ALMOST hospitalized several times...but almost is what I said, I have pulled myself out numerous times, this year I know everyone thought I would crumble and die within myself, that I wouldnt be able to carry on, shit I thought that I wouldnt be able to carry on, and allot of times I didnt want to, I wanted to take the easy way out, but I didnt and I think that I am so much stronger then I ever thought I could be, I fight for whats best for my kids, I am doing everything I need to do for them and I am doing it alone, ALONE, I am parenting better then I ever have before, dealing with issues I never dreamed that I would have to deal with...but Im doing it, I Am doing it, me, by myself, something I never thought I could do. Oh dont get me wrong ED is still there, but Im ignoring it, Today for example it was time for breakfast and I wasnt hungry any other time I would have just waited til I got so hungry I couldnt stand it then say it had been to long so I couldnt eat even though I wanted to, BUT today I ate cause it was time to, I still cant stand my body but I am not focusing on it ALL day...I look, I pinch, I think well "just a little..." then I think nope, feeling this way, not living in constant fear and chaos is worth a little extra around my middle, so what Im not the thinnest, Im definatly not the fattest either, and you know what, Im okay, and every day I will become more okay with who I am, who I am changing to, and eventually who I will be...I have realized that changing into someone who is not sick is OKAY! For the first time in maybe 16 years I dont want to be the sick one, I want people to have faith in me, to respect me for my strength, my courage and my abilitys of which I have many but have always denied...something has changed, and I like it, I like who I am becoming and cant wait to find out who I will become tomorrow and 20 years from now.
Somethings changed and you know what I do believe I like it...yup I do!!!