Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I deserve death

see previous post as to why

slut pretty much sums my sorry ass off

If I were her and I found out I would be pissed

but she will kill me...she s big and WILL cause me harm



belinda said...

just in case you decide to ignore your email or facebook inbox.
here is an open letter to you, my friend....

From where i stand this is what i see..

A beautiful but very sad mother of 3, who is desperate to be loved and saved from the horror she has had to live during the past 12mths.
She moves with her children and finds some comfort in making some new friends. A beacon of light appears in the form of a man who is showing interest thus making this beautiful girl shine again, feel "love" and safety. She wishes she could hold onto these feelings forever, to escape and to melt away into bliss.

She knows what she is doing is going to lead to more heartache. Perhaps she does this because deep down in her core she doesn't believe she deserves any better.

Truth is that she deserves the world, the love, the light, the respect from all that cross her because she is an amazing girl with a pure heart. A girl that gives and gives but never unto herself.

Now what is upon her is a situation that desperately requires confrontation. There are 2 possible outcomes...

1/ The guy risks everything and leaves his fiance and 3 kids to be with the beautiful girl. He accepts that he is going to hurt a lot of people but for love he will risk it all.

2/ He is too scared to leave the fiance and the kids, he wants to try and work out their issues, for the benefit of the children (because they will always come first). He doesn't want to hurt the beautiful girl but it is as it is and he cannot live in 2 households. He knows too that due to the physicality that someone is going to have to move. This is overwhelming and hard to deal with, without all the affair dramas.

Without confrontation, things can continue and people can sneak around and things can be "illegal" and fun until someone sees something and people start talking... god forbid one of the kids sees something.

In 6 weeks time, a tragic anniversary awaits.
The beautiful girl is going to feel so vulnerable, sad, confused and quite possibly wanting a way out herself.

The outcome is looking pretty damn frightening from this end of the world. From here, i see a situation that is heavy with guilt and temptations to escape. And the bottom line is... with the beautiful girls health issues already plus the emotional dramas that unfold, all i see is more tragedy and perhaps another life lost.

Should she move? that's not essential but..
Should she cut ties? most definitely, until things are clear.
is it fucking really hard? yes
but is it doable? FOR SURE!
does the beautiful girl have all the support in the world? YES!
has she been thru worse? unfortunately yes.
do people believe in her strength? yes
do things need to stop now? no question about it.

talk to me love, talk to your family, to S, to K...
all of us.
we have your best interests at heart.
and please, please try to help yourself too.

Biggest love.

belinda said...

by the way...
you don't deserve death,
you deserve love, compassion and understanding.


battleinmind said...

I can't really add on to anything to Belinda is saying, she summed it up very well. I'm still here, I'm not here to judge but to support, and I want to let you know you're really in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

(((HUGS))) You deserve better then you are crediting yourself for. We all make mistakes....it will get better. I love you girl, stay strong.

Zena said...

I love you B, you are all amazing, Im so broken, and I know I am hurting myself, I wish you could all be here with me, I cant stand alone anymore, I just cant, I really just want out...B you are so amazing, friends like you happen once in a lifetime, I wish you were here to hold me, it hurts so much