Saturday, March 20, 2010

Mike is dead

He killed himself

He didnt pick up the kids

I knew something was wrong

my mother and stepfather went to ourhouse

It was dark and his car was there

they called the police

he hung himself in the back room

Im in shock

I cant breath

my kids no longer have a father

how will they survive

how will i tell them

I am so scared

Im at a complete loss

my mother saw him

I want this to be a nightmare

I will wake up tomorrow and it will all be okay

I dont understand

please help me

16 comments:

Alexandra Rising said...

I just saw your fb status and came over here to figure out what you meant.

Im so sorry. I dont know what else to say but I am truly sorry for your children and for however you may be feeling right now.

Can you stay with your mother and stepfather? Or can they stay with you?

Be safe.

now.is.now said...

Hey I just sent you an e-mail.

I'm so, so, so sorry, Tara. I can't even fathom how hard this must be.

I second Alex's question - can you go stay with people or can people stay with you?

I know this will be hard, and I'm so sorry for that.

Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

xoxo

Sairs said...

I am so sorry that this has happened. I have seen the aftermath of this before when my husband's cousin did this on her and her twins birthday. I think what the others have said is good, can you stay with anyone. I don't know what else to say but that I'm thinking of you! I'm so sorry. Be safe!

Sarah

Zena said...

its 6 am day 1 of the beginng of childrens life being altered forever, i dont want them to wake up, i dont want them to feel this pain..they dont deserve it...they are so precious and perfect...will they ever be able to smile again? i know he was sick, he needed help, i begged him...i spoke harshly of him but he loved his children, and i did love him...why would he do this to them....why?

people were here til the wee hours of the morning my pastor, his wife, my childrens pastor, my sister my mothers best friend , i am not alone i am with my parents....i am going back to hold my babies while they still are living in the world of the unknown...i keep going back and forth from its not real...it didnt happen....to complete devastation, i just dont understand...i cant

Eating Alone said...

I don't have the words, for you your kids. I want to be there to give you a hug. I just don't know what to say, yes the world goes on and your children will grow up. Be there for them. It will take a while.

PTC said...

Oh Z, I wish I knew what to say. I am so sorry for you and your children. Thinking about you. You NEED to take care of yourself. Please!

Stella said...

Hi Tara,

I have been a lurker on your blog for a while, and I just hadn't gotten around to saying hi yet. I just wanted to let you know that I am so, so sorry.

I have no words, I am just incredibly sorry of the pain that you, your children, and your family are going through.

My thoughts are with you all. Please don't forget to take care of yourself so you can be there for your children.

Sending lots of strength and love your way...

xo,
Stella

lisalisa said...

oh my I dont even know what to say I am so sorry....so sorry...I can't even imagine what you are going through....you are in my prayers, you and your sweet little ones, may God comfort you and bring you peace..............I love you

firefly said...

Tara, I'm so so sorry that Mike did this. I'm glad that you were with family all night. You know you can call me whenever. It's going to be hard but you can help your children. Please take care of yourself too. It's really important that you eat and get enough sleep so that you can help your kids. Love you!

Alexandra Rising said...

Thinking of your children is bringing tears to my eyes.
Perhaps, one important thing for you now to realize is, life is worth living. You want to be there for your children.
Make sure to have lots of support in the weeks to come and I will be thinking of you and your kids.

Zena said...

This is not real

This did not happen

I just need to wake up...please dear lord let me wake up

last night i screamed and wailed and banged myself into walls...today i float between streams of tears and denial...

i lay in my grass to feel the earth, that i know is real...this can not be...i should have done..told him so many things...people keep saying i cant blame myself...but there was so much left unsaid...so many what ifs...

my children will never be the same...alyssa has so many questions and i not enough answers. Zack is not talking about it, he just asked when the funeral is...so matter of fact...isaiah he doesnt understand


i have so much i must do

but if it didnt happen and its not real then why should i worry...

but it must have


the coroner wouldnt have called me if wasnt true.

this needs to be some sick practical joke... i hurt so much...i can not express

thankyou for your support...it is much needed right now

i am lost

belinda said...

tara, honey.
i too just logged on and saw your FB status and came here immediately.

i am so sorry.

this is hard. but i know you can get thru this, it seems impossible right now, i understand. lean on people, accept their help, have people stay with you for at least a couple of weeks. this really helped me.

what did you tell the kids?

keep talking, keep up your fluids and please please don't take this out on you. this was his choice, he is responsible. it hurts like no other hell i've known, but honey, this is in no way a reflection of you.

i wish i could just jump on a plane and be with you right now. i'm here whenever you need. write to me honey. i love you.

THE CREATION OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE said...

I'm so sorry to hear. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

Amber Rochelle said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, I started crying just reading the title because you are living my nightmare (my husband is avoiding treatment for his mental illness).

You have the love & support from your friends and family, lean on them and you and your kids will learn how to get through this. Life will never be the same, but with your love and encouragement they will learn to smile again.

Blu said...

I was on vacation last week, just got back and saw this. Tara..I just started to think of words and I just don't have any. There aren't any. You are right. Your children are perfect. They are perfect and healthy and beautiful and right now you tell yourself that and them that every second you get.

My sister killed herself when I was younger, and I remember my grandfather telling my mom- you still have another child to live for. That's all I could think when I read this- I know because I know myself, and we suffer similarly, that the first thought in my mind would be to shut down and sink, float away in a sea of foggy, hunger induced haze. That way it doesn't hurt so much.

But we are different now. We have children and so we don't have the luxury of choosing to fade away. Please look at food right now as the only way to be there for them. As much as your heart longs for this pain not to have been brought to them, take that feeling, that feeling of, I would take this pain away if I could, and turn it into- I will take care of myself because I need to be strong for them, to help them heal. Please.

Thinking of you. Love.