There is this conference in NYC this saturday...my doc invited me to go...dr judith rabner (author of "a starving madness") is the key note speaker, there are things that would be a benefit to me as well like body image class, some groups about why its so hard to recover...and why its so worth it...then there is lunch from 1-2 thats reason 1 i dont want to go...lunch with ED doc ='s scary as shit...reason 2 it costs 125 dollars (im broke ) both my mom and my doc said they would help with the fee...reason 3 i dont like to travel in any transportation system that I dont have control over...plane train..etc...cars or foot thats it for me...I should go...I really need to go...but once again I am letting fear rule my life...I need to deciede by 4 today if I am going...what should I do?? stay stuck and live in fear or go see one of my favorite authors speak?
I know the answer seems clear but not to me.
Its at the Light house conference center on 59th street...anyone know where that is ? any one want to go? i know some of you live in that area?
oh and no i didnt kill myself last night...but i did take too many of a certain barbibtiute and am no longer allowed to have it in my possesion... one more thing i am no longer in control of :(
oh yeah i am back to square 1 on my mp, not eating for 3 days and no water for 8 does that to you i guess...plus k is calling doc A...apparently 7 weeks is to long to go with out medical intervention...oh yeah and the H word is being tossed around like a beach ball...pissed off much yes...they will literally have to have me civiclly committed...i dont think they will go that route, but one can never be to sure :(
someone seriously stop the ride... i want to get off