Monday, August 10, 2009

Frozen Waffels

silly Title but thats what my kids are eating right now...I know gross...they are wierd..it wasnt thier breakfast..they had breakfast...bagles and cream cheese...but now they are eating FROZEN WAFFELS....

I am sick...like I feel like I am going to puke...to much coffee...sadness...anger..depression...All those feeling that SUCK!!!

SO UMMMM I asked Mike to leave cause he had another freak out Saturday night...He wont leave...grrrrr...i just wont talk to him....hes crying saying hes sorry all the same crap I have heard a 1001 times....I am NUMB..well maybe not cause I feel sick so i must be feeling something...but really I DONT want to do this anymore...I wnat to be FREE!!!!!!!

Free of this bullshit

FREE of ED

Free of living in this NIGHTMARE...

he doesnt love me...he says he does but who would treat someone they love like this...no one I know...except well...HIM...BASTARD...

He says he wont drink...bullshit...If he leaves and goes to his parents he wont drink cause they wont let him... SO WHY WONT HE LEAVE??

WHY wont this nightmare END...???

seriously what did I do in this life to deserve this crap...tell me?? will you please...cause I am about to quit...oh wait I cant cause I have kids and they need me cause I guess they need someone to get them frozen waffels...

CRAP....I NEED SOME GUIDANCE...Like for REALS...

should I just say okay and let him try again?? or should I just say enough is enough?? I m leaning to the latter but ...there is always a but...I have nothing ...no money...no house... no insurance...I am a stay at home mom for goodness sake...maybe I should just suck it up...

or maybe I should just cry or scream or maybe...

I dont know maybe I should eat a frozen waffel??

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Love, Tara

8 comments:

lisalisa said...

ohhh hun I am so sorry that sucks! I wish I knew what to say but I have no experience in marital problems luckily. If anything, I was the problem in our marriage because of my drinking and crazy behavior (thank goodness that is over).

Can you two do couples therapy? I'm guessing you have tried it before. It's hard to know what to do in this situation. On one hand he might get better this time. But on the other hand things might not ever change. I hope for your sake they do.

I would stand my ground and make him go to treatment. After all, you had to. He needs to face his problems and realize the effect they are having on you and the kids. You are trying so hard to get better and you don't need the extra stress in your life.

I so hope that things turn around for you. I will be praying for you!

firefly said...

T:Go to SF I left a message there. I hope things can work out for you! You don't deserve to be yelled at take his abuse. Take the kids to your moms and weren't you going to apply for ssi for a while? Oh I hope you eat that waffle. Maybe you got too much heat.

now.is.now said...

Hey Z,

I don't know enough of the background of this to tell you what I think you should do (make him leave, leave him, make him go to treatment, etc.) I just don't know.

I'm here to listen though. I'm sorry that's all I can do in this case.

Do you have other people you can turn to for support (financial, logistical, shelter, emotional)?

Telstaar said...

Darling, I cannot say what you should do, I wish I could. To me it seems like I would say, "Enough is enough" until he REALLY got his act together... but you're in a bind and I get that its not straight forward and easy, so I cannot answer. But hunni, you DO deserve more than this! Can your treatment team help you figure out what to do???

Love you sweetie xox

zubeldia said...

honey, are the waffles STILL frozen!!?

look, sweets, I dont know quite what to say that will be helpful, but I've asked you before whether you think you can get better if you continue to stay with M. I don't know the answer, truly, but nothing seems to change between you, snd i worry that neither of you can get well as things stand.

I cant really type as I have the little guy on me all the time, but I'm thinking about you and reading your blog. xo

Eating Alone said...

I don't know what to say. All I can do is offer you a little moral support here with this. Find someone there to talk to. Someone that can help you. Whatever you do stop and think first. Don't let ED use this to sidetrack your recovery. I hope so much that you get the support you need.

Sorry, I suck at compassion. But you are not alone, never think that.

Flushed said...

((((((((((((HUGS~HUGS~HUG~))))))))))))))))
AND THEN SOME MORE!

Jeezus, I'm so sorry Z you are way too amazing for all this negative emotion. You deserve better.

((((((((((((HUGS~HUGS~HUG~))))))))))))))))
AND THEN SOME MORE!

belinda said...

you can't keep condoning this Zena.
you know you don't deserve it.
this is him, not you

you are a child of god and you do not need to accept abuse of any kind.

be strong!
x