if I ever wieghed this much again I would kill myself...well i should be dead i wiegh more then I did when I was pregnant. Of course I was in tx then but who cares I have turned fat I am talking top of wieght for hieght FAT!!
okay my wieght says I am lazy,that I am what I feared most would happen, that i am average...I am an average mom who is suseptable to the average things of being a mom ...like wieght gain...average is what comes to mind most and I hate being average, I am no longer special I know having a disease dosent make me special but at least there was something...
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling all of these things. It's a really shitty place to be mentally and I sincerely hope you pull out of it soon.
As hard as it is to believe sometimes, weight doesn't define you. When you look back at your life do want to say, "I was always a very strict dieter and successfully maintained a very low weight" or do you want to say, "I was a great Mom and friend and whatever else, and I worked hard to make sure I lived and loved fully."
thanks Kim, nice to "meet" you. it is a shitty place but today with S ( my T ) we taked about what it would mean to be average...normal so to speak...its hard to say really I have never been average I have always been sick at least for the last 14 yrs and as I begin to get healthy and yes that means staying at a healthy wieght I am on this journey to find out..scary though..very scary!
well steph I would hopefully lose my ED...what else would I lose Im not sure but I can tell you I what I would gain... a life free of Ed thoughts ( along with some definate body image work) I would be able to be a productive mother one who was not always afraid of being judged ..now all this is said but I AM average I am not underwieght but I am still deep in my ED and what I think it boils down to is ACCEPTANCE of being average. that is where I struggle, the accepting part.
A thought: I hand out these flyers sometimes, for no real reason, that say (more or less):
"Your body is a reflection of the genetic family from which you come and of every experience you have had from birth to present. It is the miraculous vessel that allows you to move through and experience this world, and connect with and love others. Your body, no matter what its size or shape, is deserving of your love, acceptance and appreciation."
Acceptance is hard, but it's also one day at a time. Or, at least, that's the way I try to think of it.
When I wake up in the morning I tell myself that just this one day I will act As If. For me, more often than not, that means that I will act As If I believe that I am worth something. And if I can get through the day, then that's one day of Recovery on my side.. and I'll think about tomorrow when it gets here.
8 comments:
What does your weight say about who you are as a person - without using the words "fat, huge, disgusting", etc.
S.
okay my wieght says I am lazy,that I am what I feared most would happen, that i am average...I am an average mom who is suseptable to the average things of being a mom ...like wieght gain...average is what comes to mind most and I hate being average, I am no longer special I know having a disease dosent make me special but at least there was something...
Z
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling all of these things. It's a really shitty place to be mentally and I sincerely hope you pull out of it soon.
As hard as it is to believe sometimes, weight doesn't define you. When you look back at your life do want to say, "I was always a very strict dieter and successfully maintained a very low weight" or do you want to say, "I was a great Mom and friend and whatever else, and I worked hard to make sure I lived and loved fully."
I really hope you have a brighter day tomorrow,
Sending love and good karma
xKimX
thanks Kim,
nice to "meet" you. it is a shitty place but today with S ( my T ) we taked about what it would mean to be average...normal so to speak...its hard to say really I have never been average I have always been sick at least for the last 14 yrs and as I begin to get healthy and yes that means staying at a healthy wieght I am on this journey to find out..scary though..very scary!
Z
Hey sweet Z,
What would you lose if you were, in fact, physically "average"? What would you gain?
Love,
S.
well steph I would hopefully lose my ED...what else would I lose Im not sure but I can tell you I what I would gain... a life free of Ed thoughts ( along with some definate body image work) I would be able to be a productive mother one who was not always afraid of being judged ..now all this is said but I AM average I am not underwieght but I am still deep in my ED and what I think it boils down to is ACCEPTANCE of being average. that is where I struggle, the accepting part.
Love, Z
Good luck! I know you can do it!
A thought: I hand out these flyers sometimes, for no real reason, that say (more or less):
"Your body is a reflection of the genetic family from which you come and of every experience you have had from birth to present. It is the miraculous vessel that allows you to move through and experience this world, and connect with and love others. Your body, no matter what its size or shape, is deserving of your love, acceptance and appreciation."
Sending good karma!
Acceptance is hard, but it's also one day at a time. Or, at least, that's the way I try to think of it.
When I wake up in the morning I tell myself that just this one day I will act As If. For me, more often than not, that means that I will act As If I believe that I am worth something. And if I can get through the day, then that's one day of Recovery on my side.. and I'll think about tomorrow when it gets here.
You can do this.
Steph
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