Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Motherhood and seasons

Why do I like to be a mom? thats a good question and I have an answer and its not the crying before school or the sick kids or the thousands of dirty diapers I have changed, but its the simple things like playing with a babys belly til they cant laugh anymore, its watching your child learn and grow into a little person...its so many things that I love about being a mom...

watching them learn how to talk...its pretty cool til they learn to say NO! really though I think being a mom has changed me for the better and now that i am not living withEd as my best friend I am able to be a real mom again. I am enjoying the small things. I am enjoying the nice weather and all the memories it brings back, I mean my childhood didnt suck all the time there were some fun times like trick or treating and breathing in the cool fall air...dressing up as little red riding hood and loving every moment. Cuddeling on the couch with my mom and reading or just being.

Yes its those simple things that make being a mom worth it.

So I am thinking and have been for some time now about what makes a good mom. And I have come to the conclusion that I really need to stick up for my child. A specificlly. I need to write that letter or email or whatever to my dad. I need to protect A. there are times and places for alldifferent relationships in ones life and now is a time for me to focus on being a mom! Not a daughter. especially not a daughter to a man who was never really a father to begin with...perhaps this is not the season to be a daughter, at least not to him.

I am torn though and I am tring to figure out why, like what am I so afraid of, what can the man do to me that he has not already done. He has already abused me, he has already abandoned me, he already has made me feel unconfortable so why am I so afriad to put him in a position that he might have to defend himself, what dont I want him to feel??

And the bigger 4 million dollar question...Is Isnt A worth making this man feel...uncomfortable. well you bet she is. She is worth more then that man could ever be or is.

Motherhood is funny like that have to put your kids needs ahead of all I am goign to send that email.

anyway...the baby is laying on the floor and being so cute watching dora and babbleing ( still not talking yet) but thats okay cause it means he gets to be a baby just a little while longer...awwwww he is so cute.

The kids are in school with thier little back backs just filling thier little brains full of knowledge and all sorts of interesting information, its a great process to watch really it is.

Then thier Is the Z man who apparently despite is wretched behavior at home is an absolute angel in school , go figure we thought he would be a problem child at school but he has once again proved us wrong, kids do that they prove you wrong all the time..and its great.

It smells like fall outside. It s cool and breezy and sunny and its simply beautiful out...I love this time of year...I think I will take the kiddies to teh park this afternoon.

Happy almost fall everyone.

Love, Zena


Sarah said...

I bet you are a wonderful mom. I know you will find the strength to do what you need to do, and if you need some more, just let me know and I will send some to you. I love you honey.


firefly said...

Aww to have a normal(lol)family. Glad you are finding peace.