Saturday, March 5, 2011

Im debateing

whether or not to go IP/PHP something for addiction, trauma depression and suicidal thoughts....I hate the hospital, but living this life....full of pain, fear and anxiety, numbed by voodka, somehow doesnt seem right..

first though I will have to get thin...

because as you know no one is worth help unless they look like a victim of famine

I have thought about cutting...but thats an addiction too...better not to start something that could just end it, as I seem to take every thing to far....



firefly said...

Ummm I think you should seriously consider it. I wish you hadn't waited a whole year. You suffered some serious truma stuff with M. Thing is you need to find a place that will work. If you are having serious suicide ideation then you need to get someplace IMMEDIATELY. They can help you figure everything out from there. If not I trust your team can guide you to the best place for help. I already anticipated this is going to be a hard month so look at the place you are already at. You are worth more then how you are feeling. I know there are details that will need to be taken care of.
The children first and foremost, payment, where to go and what you are willing to do. Will your mom be able to help out with the kids?
Next question? What has kept you from working on these issues in the past? Have you had a good stable period in recovery at what key components where in place? Where to go for treatment? They would need to have a good reputation for dealing with tramua and eds. I can think of River Oaks and Castle wood. There might be some others. Not sure about Remuda??? Did you not bring up stuff? If this is going to be your last time you need to pledge to go in from the beginning ready to tackle the issues. Don't put a time limit on recovery and do the step down programs. Key: Have a very strict guideline as to discharge plan in place for transition. From what I have seen people that have been the most sucessful in their recovery have stayed in treatment and gone through each level of care and felt ready to leave. You have a wonderful team for support when you get back. You deserve more from this life then merely surviving and feeling crappy all the time like you are right now. Wouldn't it be nice just to enjoy your kids and life?
Just be sure you are totally committed to this investment. You aren't trying to run from problems but fix them. More later Love you sweets!

firefly said...

PS Umm just tell ed to shut up with the weight stuff. SERIOUSLY YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF!!!!

firefly said...

I'm asking around for you about a good program for trauma and eds.Hang in there!

flaweddesign said...

i'm so glad you are considering a program of somesort. you do need help and you do NOT need to emaciate yourself first.

you are worth help now and need help now. i hope something comes along quickly for you. you deserve way more than this.

please do not start cutting. you are so right about it being an addiction (one i'm trying to break through right now with relative success) and it will just get out of control.

mental illness does suck.
*hugs babe*