Friday, March 4, 2011

I want more

...the "suicide attempt" has left me well feeling...well sad, that it didnt kill me or put me to sleep, that I would have to take so much more to snuff my being from this world and I will most never get the chance with pills again...its also left me feeling manic, like I am invincable nothing can touch me I am a super power, who can take 36 clonipin...nearly a liter of voodka and some other odds and ends pills and still be standing...me thats who. blurgggg. I have the bestest friend ever who gives my heart a reason to live to hope and to soar...I dream of kangeroos, of holding her and watching the waves crash...but thats 7 months away, so I breath and hold tight and try to believe I will be okay.

Rey didnt go to work last night, my mom took my kids and he stayed the night we made love for hours and I fell asleep in in his arms...I slept for 3 hours, safe from the world and close to another warm body...

I want more


whether it be connection...death...or sleep...its all so romantic...love...death...peace

whatever it is I want more

4 comments:

battleinmind said...

Praying for you.
xxx

belinda said...

news flash for you kitten....
death aint romantic ;)

love you. x

Zena said...

I know my sweet girl...but in the moment...i wont give in, i want you and that is far more romantic :)

Angela E. Lackey said...

I'm praying for you too. I will call you when I get a chance. I'm in Florida right now trying to straighten out my own mess, but I'm afraid...My heart is breaking every day. What the hell does having "a little hope" mean anyway? (I'm talking about my husband.)

Sorry, I'm so confused. I almost feel like doing the same things you are thinking about. I want more too. And I'm afraid I won't ever have more.

*Hugs* and sorry for the confusing and depressing post.

Love you!!!

Angela